Matthew Soo is an awesome guy who all should love or fear depending on how much caffeine he has had in the morning. He has been told that he has a God given talent for writing. Ok, some talent for writing. Fine, a minuscule amount of talent that ranges from humorous to serious and everything in between (the in between would be vulgar and crass but Helium hasn't come around to this style of writing, yet.)

Using his training as a ninja, Matthew destroys opponents while using his sharp wit to cut through the garbage of debate topics, exposing hypocrites and, in general, despises politicians of all colors, shapes, and creeds and he accomplishes this despite second-hand smoking a pack of cigarettes a day.

His favorite food is raw red meat because anything else is for...

If you would like to contact Matt either leave your scent, send a smoke signal or just hit 'contact this writer' located to your right.

My passion is ...

killing terrorists or at the very least torturing them in secret CIA prisons...

I know too much about ...

your mom...but don't tell dad...

My parents always told me ...

to be good and shut-the-hell-up... I love them!

My childhood ambition ...

setting up an imperial monarchy that runs the world...

My favorite memory ...

if I told you this the cops would know who did it...

Why I write ...

to release my knowledge to the rest of the world...and gas is expensive these days...

What I am reading/watching/listening to ...

reading: the helium question, duh. Watching: free porn, ask me how...Listening to talk radio...97.1 FM talk

My first job ...

selling dime bags on the mean streets of Florissant, Missouri...actually flipping burgers for Hardee's.

My best moment ...

is when that test came back negative...it's true what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas...

My inspiration ...

Paul Walker...if that no talent @$$ clown can make it, anyone can...

Parenting & Pregnancy > Parenting Styles (Other) How do you run your family? Democracy, monarchy or...

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I run my family as a theocracy where I am my own deity in my own little world known as 'myHome.' On any particular day I am revered, loved or feared by my subjects (2 sons, girlfriend and the nephew or niece that occasionally comes over) whom do my bidding or face being hit by fire and brimstone, smitten or at the very least sent to bed hungry. My word is law and although I do not require offering of myrrh and livestock, I do expect a dinner and some peace and quiet on occasion. Here are some additional tools I have to assure myself of my utter dominion over the land.

First, I c...

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