So far my life has been like a Vaudeville stage act: I was born at a very young age. When I was 10 my parents moved - But I found then again.

At 17 I had my heart set on becoming a famous Hollywood Podiatrist, but decided instead to join the U.S. Navy. After 22 years of poking small holes in the ocean I retired to the hinterlands of New Hampshire with my loving wife of 37 years (Don't take my wife, please!)

I now live in a small town called Happy Valley (pop. 10) which, I believe, is the only town in America that ends with a preposition. That is almost entirely because of the large wooden signs that guard the approaches to town that state, "Welcome to Happy Valley. A Good Town to Live in."

I get to see wild animals in my back yard almost every day here, which makes me scared to go outside most of the time. Among these critters are deer(s), black bear(s), skunk(s), and the occasional moose.

To keep myself occupied I 'do' freelance writing for anyone who is foolish enough to pay me, and tend to my Internet website (see my favorites) where you'll find literally hundreds of stories and articles I couldn't sell to anyone; which you are invited to read for free. Such a deal!

I also write non-fiction humor and travel books, build lovely but very cheap pine cabinets to sell to unsuspecting tourists, play the piano very loud when alone, and manage a massive HO-scale model railroad basement empire. Thank you, please.

My passion is ...

Living where it's warm

I know too much about ...

Life

My parents always told me ...

Nothing

My childhood ambition ...

become a famous Hollywood Podiatrist

My favorite memory ...

A hole-in-one at the Monadnock Country Club (#4-121 yards)

Why I write ...

It's fun!

What I am reading/watching/listening to ...

Dave Barry

My first job ...

Newsboy

My best moment ...

12:01 A.M. November 8,1946

My inspiration ...

The Doobie Brothers

Politics, News & Issues > US Elections (Other) Humorous small town election reports

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Happy Burger vs. Mary O'Neil

What set of odd circumstances do you suppose could touch off a skirmish between a large multi-national corporation and a sweet old woman who dyes her hair blue?

That's odd all right, you say? But then you probably don't live in a small New England town where oddness is considered normal, and where being normal is considered odd. Small New England towns are also places where the fate of all inhabitants, young and old, can be determined by just one hard-headed individual and a quirky political process called 'Town Meeting'.

Several years back at town meet...

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