: About Me

I am, first and foremost, a comic.

The most important thing to me seems to be laughter. I try to achieve it in as many medias as I can, but I have found that my greatest triumph is the humor in my words, whether I speak them on stage or write them, it is through my words that I have cracked numerous smiles.

Secondly, I am a person. I have two arms, two legs, a face, and a beating heart. I feel and sense a lot around me. Some days I feel my personality is 100 years old, and I am so worn down by all the things happening in the world, as small as a poppyseed on a counter-but generally upping my fiber content solves my woes.

I live in Maryland, but not for long. The Free State has been good to me, but I'm intrigued by the Windy City and aim to take on the comedy and theatre world there.

While I see this website as a way to get some attention for my words, I need money. I'm in college, and I can hear my bank account crying. I'm not even going to lie about it. Give me money, whoever doles out paychecks!

My passion is ...

Laughter!

I know too much about ...

Movies. It's disgusting, really.

My parents always told me ...

Shut up and eat your damn vegetables.

My childhood ambition ...

A singing lawyer-writer-teacher-brontosaurus.

My favorite memory ...

Telling my grandmother to go home. I believe I was four.

Why I write ...

Catharsis, humor, and a little pinch of heroin.

What I am reading/watching/listening to ...

I live off a diet of Arrested Development and 30 Rock DVDs, and those Jasper Fforde novels.

My first job ...

Pizza Shop, or as I recall it, "Indentured Servitude," because we were paid under the table and less than minimum wage.

My best moment ...

The next one? I was trying to sound profound.

My inspiration ...

Tina Fey, Demetri Martin, Jasper Fforde, and my parents.

Celebrations & Holidays > Gifts & Gift Ideas (Other) The value of presents: It's the thought that counts

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When November draws around and it isn't even Thanksgiving yet, our televisions begin to assault us with commercials for Christmas gifts. The only correct way to tell your special lady what she means to you is for you to buy this diamond! The perfect gift for your husband is a gigantic plasma flat screen TV! For the kids, Xbox systems and drum sets! Of course you can spare the thousands of dollars! The economy is not so bad! My stomach requires a constant dose of Pepto-Bismol during the holiday months. Thanks to the propaganda of the big corporations, gift-giving seems stressful but it does...

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