: About Me

Hi! My name is Meghann. I am a 27 year old newly divorced mother of 3 young children. I am a woman of faith and a bit of a feminist, too. I love to write because i feel i learn a little bit more about who I am each time i express myself. For the past 11 years or so I had felt like I was defined by my mistakes, decisions I had made, and company I had kept. I had my first child, my son, at age eighteen, got pregnant with my first daughter when i was 23, married at 24, separated at 25, and then after a brief reconciliation I found myself pregnant again with my third child, another daughter, at 26. My son has a different father than my daughters so I deal with the "blended family" issue almost on a daily basis. Good thing it's not as taboo as it once was because I never understood how confusing it is. My daughters' father and I have been friends for eleven years and together for seven. We come from extremely different backgrounds. I was raised in Alaska by conservative Christian parents who never fought with each other and worked overtime to shelter me from anything dramatic or traumatic. He was raised in South Carolina in a blended family. His step dad was abusive, bikers and pot were regular occurrences, and alcoholism was a genetic flaw. He never had his own room because there just weren't enough rooms and beds in that trailer for 5 kids and 2 adults. I was forced to move from Alaska to South Carolina when i was 13 and it was the biggest culture shock I had ever experienced. I had never heard of racism. I didn't know about violence at all, gang related or otherwise. I didn't know how to deal with the weather, or with people who had grown up there and saw me as the epitome of a "Yankee." I was in eighth grade that year. Out of anger and resentment I had given up on school after that. I was already struggling but I didn't know why. My parents were preoccupied with my older brother and his drama. He and his girlfriend were expecting a baby. They got married and then a week later he graduated high school. My parents and I moved a couple days after that and my mom was missing him horribly. She's the type of mom that blames herself for everything her kids do and now that I'm older I love that about her. Anyway, being the nurturer I was raised to be I thought i could "save" this boy from his hard knock life and we would live happily ever after. I was so convinced that I could love him enough for both of us that I prayed on a daily basis for him to realize he loved me. After he had left town he had been in a tornado which left him in a coma for 29 days. Meanwhile, i was still in Charleston and on my 18th birthday I met a Navy guy and started dating him. I was a senior in high school at the time. He wanted to get married, I wanted to finish high school. I suffered from a severe case of "It couldn't happen to me" syndrome and before I knew it I was pregnant. Long story short, he proposed, I freaked, we broke up. I was 5 months pregnant with my son when I reunited with the love of my life (up to that point) at a walmart pharmacy waiting area. We became friends again and 18 months later we became a couple. I had gotten exactly what I prayed for. Except for the fact that he walked all over me and treated me like I was disposable. I was too in love to see that though. A few years later we got pregnant but unfortunately I lost the baby. He was completely uncaring and I remember him getting mad at me because I wouldn't let him drive me to the hospital because he didn't have a license. I called my mom and she took us. I had a procedure done and then I was put on pain meds for 48 hours. He didn't go with me to my follow up appointment the next day and thought it was perfectly fine that I was doped up on pain pills and driving. He had been up til early that morning drinking with his buddies and had only been asleep for a couple hours before it was time for my appointment. I missed a lot of red flags like this one. I got pregnant with my first daughter a couple years later and throughout the whole pregnancy he partied heavily. He was never home, he drank all the time, he worked and that's about it. He expected me to work full time and do all the household chores by myself and got mad when i went on maternity leave two weeks before she was due. He was jealous that I didn't have to work. It made no difference that I was HUGE and tired all the time. He was very mentally and emotionally abusive. He justified it by saying things like, "You act like I hit you or something! At least I don't hit you!" I tried to make it work but he even though we were married he still wanted to be his own man and not a full time husband or father. When our daughter was 18 months old I kicked him out and filed for divorce with the help of my parents. A few months later I recanted and we got back together. Six months after our reconciliation I was pregnant again with our second daughter. As soon as I saw the pattern forming again I knew something had to change. He was staying out all night, drinking heavily, coming home after the kids were in bed and leaving before they woke up. It's not that he was an alcoholic necessarily, it was more because I was hormonal and he didn't want to deal with it. He would leave and then I would get mad. Then when he would come home I would be even more angry so he would turn around and leave again or he would fall asleep on the couch. We didn't share a bed for about 6 months. Back when I was pregnant with my first daughter I was so low and depressed and I felt like something was missing. I finally realized it was God. I had fallen away from the church all because I wanted to be with my husband. I began going back to church and strengthening my faith and so when I recognized the same self destructive pattern I immediately looked for remedies. I looked at my son how was six years old at the time and so confused and uncomfortable, then I looked at my daughter, a year and a half old and paying close attention to the family dynamic we were trying to pass off as "normal." One morning, I found my husband on the floor of my daughter's room (she was in my bed at the time) sleeping and smelling of alcohol and marijuana and I lost it. I kicked him out, sent him stumbling out the door to work. Then I called my mom to ask if i could bring the kids and live in their house for a while because I had finally had enough. I packed just enough stuff for me and my children and headed straight for my parents' house. We've been here for 11 months now. My youngest daughter is almost 8 months old. We have all grown so much personally, spiritually, emotionally. I have been down dark roads and have seen the light at the end of the tunnel. My faith is stronger than ever and my soon-to-be ex-husband is my friend again. I see an obligation to take my life lessons and my trials and tribulations, and offer guidance, advice and support to those facing similar situations. I have a long road ahead of me and three kids who are along for the ride, and I am fully dedicated to making my future and their childhoods honest to GOD success stories.

My passion is ...

my future and my children's futures

I know too much about ...

heartache and personal strength

My parents always told me ...

I would be great at whatever I choose to do

My childhood ambition ...

to be a mom

My favorite memory ...

all the years at bible camp in Alaska

Why I write ...

I write because I am on a journey of self discovery. I am passionate about finding out and reclaiming who I am.

What I am reading/watching/listening to ...

I am currently listening to the clock behind me tick tick ticking away

My first job ...

was working as a park attendent at the local County Park

My best moment ...

was when i made the decision to get out of an unhealthy marriage

My inspiration ...

My children are by far my greatest inspiration.

Creative Writing > Reflections Reflections: What America needs

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What happened to making educated decisions? The top 2 issues right now are, 1- the war in Iraq and 2- the economy. We are in a very tense position at the moment. We are at war and now people who have no idea what it's all about are wanting to pull our troops out and end this war. Don't you think that's what President Bush wants to do, too? Do you think he likes making American families sad, devastated, and insecure when their loved ones are being called to serve? He's not the anti-christ. Yes, there maybe plenty of things to make fun of because he's human. If we help positions of power we ...

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