Articles written by LJ Innes

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About me - LJ Innes

I'm just a girl who loves to write, about nouns mostly: the people, places and things I encounter on a daily basis. I find humor in just about everything, and I love relating my day-to-day experiences through writing.

Writing on Helium continues to be wonderful

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Creative Writing > Humor Humor: Things I think about while waiting in line: 2 of 63

I'm usually a patient person, except for those times when I'm running late for something, which is a good percentage of the time. If people are annoyed by my tardiness, they should know that I am equally annoyed. When I procrastinate, it's usually on my time; when I'm late, it's usually because I've been waiting in line somew... More..
Religion & Spirituality > Spirituality (Other) Are angels real or imaginary?: 5 of 151
The question, "Are angels real or imaginary," like any question on such matters, can only yield a personal response. Religions, spirituality and all matters of faith are very personal. The fact that angels are an integral part of almost every religion known to man should be enough to convince anyone, but the fact is, that giv... More..
Creative Writing > Humor Humor: While waiting at a traffic light: 1 of 15
Believe it or not, there are rules and laws pertaining to waiting at traffic lights. Just as the rules of the road apply while driving, Murphy's Law has full jurisdiction over traffic lights and all who wait at them. Murphy's Law states that "anything that can happen, will happen." You won't learn this from taking a driver's ... More..
Creative Writing > Humor Humor: Growing old: 9 of 130
I'm a creature of habit. Every morning I wake up at 6:30 and stretch the creeks out of my bones, I go to the kitchen and put on a pot of hazelnut coffee and wait 18 minutes for it to brew and boil. I shower until the hot water runs cold and I air fluff the outfit dujour in the dryer with a fresh dryer sheet. Another part of m... More..
Creative Writing > Humor Humor: Advantages of a recession: 17 of 105
Advantages of a Recession? Geez, where do I start? Well, I would have to say the biggest advantage is the advantage of time. I have so much more of it now. While others are busy going to dinner and going shopping, I mostly stay in and relax when I'm not working. It's such a good feeling to be able to sleep in on the weekends ... More..
Creative Writing > Poetry Poetry: Life after death: 8 of 45

By the dark of moon at Heaven's GateIt's a dear old friend on whom I waitI left him several years agoWhen bad health beset me to and froAnd once I came upon this placeWith angels' song and full of graceI knew at last that I was homeWith friends and family, no longer aloneAnd now I wait upon my friendA new beginning comes from... More..
Autos > Driving & Safety Testimony: Inconsiderate drivers: 2 of 11
My patience for stupid drivers is at an all-time LOW. Maybe it's my age (young 40s), or maybe it's my bundled up frustration with the economy and everything else I can't control that makes me the freaked-out, short-tempered, now-I-understand-road-rage driver that I am, or maybe it's all the idiots on all of Planet Earth that ... More..
Entertainment > Movies (Other) How to enjoy a bad B movie: 4 of 18
Ah, B Movies. I adore them as much as Eva Gabor adores a penthouse view. I relish the cheap scenery, the shoddy wardrobes, the warbling space ships, and the ever defenseless, slightly, disproportionately-shaped babes who always gets their man, even if neither one of them have the combined IQ of a gnat. Who doesn't love a k... More..
Creative Writing > Memoirs Testimonies: Encounters with wild animals: 10 of 38
Have you ever noticed all the commercials on TV lately with groundhogs and squirrels and various other "varmints"? People, let me tell you there is nothing cute about these animals. In real life, they don't dance, they don't sing, they don't sell lottery tickets and they don't go to ballgames. They don't live in Narnia or any... More..
Creative Writing > Memoirs Memoirs: My best fall memory: 8 of 28

Three of my dear friends just visited from out of town this week. Two, married, came from South Carolina and one from Oklahoma. Many of my high school friends still live in town, and the fact that I came back here after 20 years in New York and was able to pick up almost right where I left off in high school, tells you what k... More..