Articles written by Neal Acito

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About me - Neal Acito

Against my better judgment, I entered this world in January of 1963. In retrospect, I suppose I should have made a better decision, but I was young and foolish at the time.

Mater and pater, having considered Paris, Milan, and Monaco, finally established domesticity

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Creative Writing > Humor Humor: Funerals: 1 of 42

As a hard working floral delivery guy, I deserved a good pat on the back. However, I never expected it to come from the deceased. The dearly departed in this case was Mr. Hopkins, a rotund Rotarian who had left this mortal coil peacefully, leaving behind a loving wife and family who dutifully ordered flowers for the funeral....
Arts & Humanities > Theater & Drama Theatre etiquette tips: 1 of 15

During the golden age of Broadway, a gentleman would carry a cane to the theatre. Today, he carries a cell phone. That's fine, except he doesn't seem to want to turn it off. A lady, meanwhile, used to come to the show dripping in jewels. Today she's dripping with sarcasm. You know this because she's making loud comments thro...
Education > Education (Other) Are our schools preparing our children for the future?: 8 of 73

Are you smarter than a fifth grader? Today, a fifth grade curriculum equates to an eighth grade curriculum thirty years ago. The fact is, this year we will have a graduating class that is smarter than their leisure suited counterparts of 1978. In 1960, during the "good old days", 65% of the population between the ages of 25-...
Arts & Humanities > Writing Tips Using your own life as inspiration for comedic writing: 2 of 16

The best humor is the humor that comes from your own personal experience. Topical humor has a short shelf life, and writing jokes is a thankless, anonymous task. But sharing your own life events can not only give folks a chuckle, it can be an enriching experience for you as well. But where to start? To begin with, writing hu...
Entertainment > Movie Analysis Movie analysis: Sweeney Todd, The Demon Barber of Fleet Street: 1 of 7

Johnny Depp insists that the first time he ever sang a song was in preparation for "Sweeney Todd". If that is so, the rest of us have no chance whatsoever in having a successful singing career. He displays the range, tone, and emotional commitment of a seasoned professional. No doubt, there are countless aspiring Broadway ac...
Politics, News & Issues > Baseball News & Opinion Does cheating in Major League Baseball matter to fans?: 1 of 6

Sadly, we tolerate it. The fans don't care. Today in baseball, cheating has become an acceptable part of the game. Forget the Majors, there's more cheating in Little League than you'll ever see in professional baseball. We've seen kids with fake birth certificates. We've got illegal bats, sign stealing, and yes, even steroid...
Health & Fitness > Sleep Disorders How to cure insomnia: 5 of 18

According to the National Sleep Foundation, 58% of adults have insomnia at least more than once a week. Getting rid of your insomnia can be a daunting task, but you're not alone. Many have been helped, not from a miracle "cure", but by adopting a number of successful sleep strategies. To begin with, it's important to identif...
Creative Writing > Humor Humor: Telemarketers: 16 of 44

I thank God for telemarketers. Without them, my son would never have learned to talk on the phone. "Hellow?" he would say, "how ahh you?" I suppose that putting my kid on the phone was a dirty trick. In truth, though, I wouldn't let it go on too long. Invariably, the telemarketer would ask to speak to Daddy at which point I'...
Parenting & Pregnancy > Parenting Teens What not to say to your teenager: 4 of 10

It's every parent's nightmare, the one word answer. "Fine." Frankly we deserve better. After all, we love them, clothe them, feed them and all we ask in return is a little information. As parents, all we want is a complete sentence. Is it too much to ask for a noun, verb, and the possibility of an adjective? Too often, we bl...
Society & Lifestyle > Social Values & Norms Why society needs to slow down: 7 of 17

The year is 2015 and the world markets have just collapsed. The rising price of wheat, coupled with less than expected earnings from agricultural companies triggers a massive sell off across the big board. Overnight, the international markets follow suit and the world is suddenly facing total economic disaster. Could it happ...