: About Me

A Parody of the Life of Skeeter Hylton :

I was born on January 15, 1935 in Roanoke Virginia. Mama Essie was undecided on a 'name' for me, but she had been reading the Bible in recent days before my birth, and picked out the name of "Philip" from the Scriptures. I have always been grateful that she wasn't reading about "Mary" or "Ruth" during those days !

I was born a 'skinny' kid. In fact, I was so 'skinny' that my eyes were 'single file'! Daddy Hylton said I looked like a 'mosquito', so he nicknamed me "Skeeter" and the name 'stuck'. Later, when I went to the beach, I got a lot of sand kicked in my face !

I was also 'ugly'. In fact, my parents left me on the doorstep for nine days to see whether I was going to 'cry' or 'bark' !

There was a lot of country music on the radio as I was growing up, but it didn't 'click' with me. In fact, for a long time, I thought that Kitty Wells was a place where cats went to get a drink of water ! I even thought that Ernest Tubb was just a 'sincere place to take a bath' ! However, later in life, I became a 'pickin n grinnin' sort of fellow.

I applied for my first life insurance policy at the age of 18, but could not qualify. In order to get a new policy, a 'profile' was required. When the insurance doctor who was checking my health asked me to 'turn around' so he could view my profile, I was so 'skinny' that he thought I had gone out of the room !

I went to work for the Post Office, sorting mail. After I had been there for awhile, the Super came by and askd me how long I had been working there. When I told him "about 45 minutes", he asked he how I had learned to 'throw mail' so fast in just 45 minutes ! I explained to him that "if I could read, I could do better than that !"

But one of the jobs I liked the best was driving a city bus in Roanoke, Virginia, 'cause I got to tell everybody 'where to get off' !

I didn' have much luck in marriage. My first wife was my high school sweetheart. She talked like an 'angel' and she walked like an 'angel'. Then one day she just 'flew away' ! So I tried again. This time I married a college graduate, only to find out that she had gone to a four-year College of Aggravation, and had graduated in two years with Honors !

I spent several years in Florida, and saw some 'sights' while there. For instance, one day a man was seen on top of an 11-story building in Clearwater, appearing to be ready to try to commit suicide ! So the police were called. When they encountered him, he told them that he was not trying to 'commit suicide', but was attempting to 'fly'. He had eight seagulls tied to his arms, and when they tried to pull him away from the edge of the building, he jumped ! He was doing alright, too, until someone threw a box of popcorn on Cleveland Street !

On another day, while at the beach, getting sand kicked in my face, a 'fin' was spotted in the water. So, as was their custom, the Coast Guard called everyone out of the water until they could send up a helicopter to check out the origin of the 'fin'. As it turned out, it wasn't a shark after all, but a false alarm. A man who had drank too much was just trying to take a short cut to Mexico in a '65 Cadillac !

I was in Florida when the Bucs arrived in 1976. I even saw their very first practice at One Buc Place in Tampa. But, of course, they were horrible as a team and proceeded to lose their first 26 games ! We usually went to Tampa Stadium to see the 'visiting' team play. In fact, the Bucs were so bad that, after several games, they still had not scored a touchdown !
Then it happened !
Cleveland came to town and late in the game, Buc RB Vince Kendrick ran around left end and had a clear path to the End Zone from 13 yards out. Things were going so bad for the Bucs that we didn't think he would score. But he did, becoming the first Buc to score a touchdown in the team's history ! However, they missed the extra point and lost the game to Cleveland by a score of 24-6.

Now I have returned to my hometown of Roanoke, Virginia as a Senior Citizen and a GrandDaddy, where I am livin' n lovin' live. However, in my advanced years, when I go from one room to another in my Mayflower Room on Windsor,
I still wonder 'why' !

So keep your head up, and head for the Green, and I'll see 'ya on Down the Road !

phil hylton
mrphil@juno.com

Creative Writing > Poetry Poetry: Independence Day

5 of 28

Early in July, and just a little after June Americans get together in a Patriotic tune. It's a song of Happiness for all the goods we've gained, and for the way our Great God has Blessed, and never wained ! The parks and beaches of this land will welcome our 'day off', and sporting events will not be judged by 'just who won or lost' ! Most of us are free to celebrate in our very own way, and most of us can do whatever we want to do today. But somewhere, in a park or beach or stadium, you will see Someone who is limited in the things he'd like to be ! Because he fought for Freedom, and did ...

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