Articles written by Mike Ogden

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About me - Mike Ogden

Humor is soap for the soul. Tears are the rinse. Read my stuff for a free clean-out.

Also visit my blog, conveniently designated "My Blog" by Helium guys. It's over there->

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Creative Writing > Short Stories Short stories: Family memories: 3 of 127
When I was five and my sister was three, I bent a piece of wire into a "U" shape and carefully showed Kathy how nicely it would fit into an electrical outlet. Dutifully telling her not to stick the wire into the little holes, I left her alone in her room, sitting on the floor in front of a socket, wire in hand.My parents' str... More..
Creative Writing > Reflections Reflections: Family memories: 2 of 41
My father and I were at the gravel pit messing around. I was eleven years old, Daniel Boone with a single shot rifle and a pair of three dollar binoculars from last Christmas. Two hundred feet away from the binoculars I had forgotten on a mound of gravel, I turned and found those glasses in my rifle sight."Betcha' I could hit... More..
Creative Writing > Satire Satire: School: 1 of 14
TEACHER ILLITERACYA lunch companion told me the "heart-warming" story of a 48-year-old man who learned how to read after an 11-year stint as a high school teacher.That explained a lot to me. Most of my teachers seemed to skew toward the end of the spectrum for which unionization was the only hope for continued employment. To ... More..
Creative Writing > Humor Humor: Getting pulled over by a police officer: 11 of 76
My son, when thou goest upon a journey beware the King's highwaymen, for they do lie in a secret place, waiting for thee to pass. Then shall they pursue thee to ruin thy day, and to rob thee.For the King and his men do labor mightily to multiply laws throughout the land, to the end that whenever the King needs spare change, e... More..
Creative Writing > Short Stories Short stories: Science fiction: 66 of 291
Dr. Freeman Hall stepped into the transparent chamber of his invention. His wife Susan, a physics professor who shared his intellectual curiosity, keyed a target date of 1840 into the console and initiated the program load. Freeman Hall vanished.Quickly she brought him back. Dr. Hall reappeared in the chamber wearing the clot... More..
Creative Writing > Satire Satire: Freedom: 4 of 16
In an incident at an Arizona border crossing, an unidentified American male wearing baggy pants was arrested for attempting to re-enter the country with Mexicans on his person.Border guards stated that during a routine check of the man's paperwork his left leg sneezed and his baggies took on a life of their own. As the Americ... More..
Creative Writing > Satire Satire: National security: 3 of 9
10 REASONS TO BOMB THE HELL OUT OF CANADAIn the interest of establishing myself as the most patriotic man in America, I need to insist that we bomb Canada.It may sound extreme to bomb a close neighbor, but I am a desperate man working from a deficit. You see, I was NOT ON BOARD for our "cakewalk in Iraq." I mean really NOT ON... More..
Creative Writing > Satire Satire: Government and health: 5 of 9
RANGE-FREE MOTHERS PRODUCE BETTER BREAST MILKA government research project has now shown that human mothers who range at large through wilderness areas develop healthier breast milk for their young. The study followed 150 participants who spent 9 hours per day moving through federal parks picking berries, cracking walnuts or ... More..
Religion & Spirituality > Christian Beliefs & Culture Christianity and today's lifestyles: 35 of 58
The Law Concerning Beach WomenMy son, in the cold of winter shalt thy wife lust mightily after the beach.Thou must therefore undertake a great journey in the Spring, that she may toe the sand and shop the outlets. But, my son, lend your ear to my understanding, that you may preserve discretion. For upon the beach there shall ... More..
Creative Writing > Memoirs Memoirs: The girl next door: 3 of 4
She ran into the street stark naked, waving her arms wildly and screaming at the top of her voice, "Stop, stop!" Children's jaws dropped. Adults cringed. Pigeons pooped. (Pigeons always poop, no matter what is going on.)Until that day it had never once crossed my seven year old mind that females came in nude.It was a hot summ... More..