: About Me

After an undistinguished high school performance, I joined the Marine Corps and spent four years at Marine Barracks 8th & I in Washington D. C. I went in the Corps expecting to make it a career, but after two weeks I decided that perhaps my prodigious talents might be better employed elsewhere. I have been working in law enforcement since my discharge in 19__.

Eventually, I found a woman who could tolerate me, so I married her. We have two children. Well, at least they look like children; they act more like monkeys. Anyway, we live in N. E. Ohio and have yet to kill one another, so I guess we have made somewhat of a success out of our circumstances.

I am an English Major who failed grammar in high school-go figure. I do love to read, though. In fact, I love everything about books. I love the way they look and the way they feel. I even love the way they smell. Inevitably, before I begin to read a book, I smell it first. Others laugh at my oddity, but I do not care. I continue to sniff away. In my opinion, e-books border on the barbarous and should be banned.

I also love to write; however, I do not always enjoy others reading what I write. It is kind of like looking at your self in the mirror while naked. Although you are proud of your naked self, you can not help wondering what others would think. Take this short biography for instance: although I am kind of proud of it, I wonder what my readers will think?

My passion is ...

books

I know too much about ...

the human beast

My parents always told me ...

avoid spitting into the wind

My childhood ambition ...

become a Marine

My favorite memory ...

birth of my sons

Why I write ...

I have to

What I am reading/watching/listening to ...

Tolkien

My first job ...

bus boy

My best moment ...

marrying my wife (really)

My inspiration ...

joy

Creative Writing > Humor Humor: Fantasy

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A Year With the Bipeds A year ago today I was snatched by wicked hands and incarcerated in thisthishovel. It happened while I feasted on blessings from the gods at the temple of the Golden Arches. Oh, how I fondly remember those golden-brown, delectable staves scattered all over the blackened ground of the temple square! Oh! how we feasted when the gods choose to bestow their favor! Oh! how we screeched our gratefulness to Leotabby and Felinico, the providential ones, once our stomachs were surfeited with oleic goodness! But, alas, those days are no more, perhaps forevermore, for I languis...

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