Articles written by David Mckellar

What is Helium

About me - David Mckellar

Comedy writer for TV and radio for some years in England. Also written for TV is in the US, Canada and Germany.
Also produced and directed TV.

Have now moved into the slow lane and turning my hand to writing books and comedy articles.

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Creative Writing > Humor Humor: You're having a bad day when: 2 of 88
The first sound I hear in the mornings is bugle. It is my father in law playing reveille. He is eighty three years old and thinks he's in the army. Then I get my time check as one of the neighbors yells out "Shuddup! Don't you know its six o'clock in the morning?" Yes, it is the start of another bad day.Do you know what kind ... More..
Other Jokes: Blonde jokes: 1 of 36
This article carries a warning for readers who are natural (or unnatural) blonde, please do not take offence to these jokes. If you do not like them, simply replace the word "blonde" with the name of a prominent politician or business leader. As a professional comedy writer I'm opposed to blonde jokes because they base their ... More..
Arts & Humanities > Awareness & Reality Philosophy: Which came first, the chicken or the egg?: 6 of 67
WHAT CAME FIRST THE CHICKEN OR THE EGGTwo of the oldest questions are: "what came first the chicken or the egg "and why did the chicken cross the road? It is a question that has baffled scientists, academics and other boring thinking men through the ages. Well if anyone had bothered to read the findings of the investigation c... More..
Creative Writing > Reflections Reflections: The irony of political correctness: 2 of 12
"Baa Baa rainbow sheep, have you any wool" You haven't mis-read it. Rainbow sheep. What on earth are rainbow sheep? That line wasn't written by a colour blind poet. No, it was the creation of the political correct brigade. Two years ago, here in Britain a city council changed the words in order not to offend ethnic minorities... More..
Creative Writing > Memoirs Testimonies: Overcoming your fear of flying: 4 of 20
FEAR OF FLYING.My name is David McKellar. I am attending an AA meeting Aerophobia Anonymous. Actually I don't have a fear of flying it's more a fear of dying. I get that feeling as soon as I arrive at the airport when I see the word Terminal in very large letters on the entrance. According to the dictionary terminal means dea... More..
Creative Writing > Humor Humor: Art: 2 of 10
I don't know much about art, but I do know that a pile of bricks on the floor is not. However, several years ago it won the prestigious Turner Prize for Modern Art and forty thousand pounds. A pile of bricks in garden no one notices put it in the Tate Gallery people say "My, look at those lines." Because these bricks were in ... More..
Computers & Technology > Telephones (Other) The history of the telephone: 2 of 8
Who invented the telephone? We know for sure that in the 1870s, two inventors Elisha Gray and Alexander Graham Bell both independently designed devices that could transmit speech electrically. Both men rushed their respective designs to the patent office within hours of each other. Elisha Gray and Alexander Graham Bell entere... More..
Other Where did the joke 'why did the chicken cross the road' come from and why is it funny?: 3 of 11
"Why did the chicken cross the road?" is one of the oldest and most famous riddles still in use in the English language. The most common answer to this riddle is "To get to the other side." Where did this chicken joke originate from?"I don't know where did the chicken joke originate from?"Well according to Wikipedia, this jok... More..
Creative Writing > Novel Excerpts Novel excerpts: Detective stories for young adult readers: 3 of 9
CHAPTER ONEWelcome to Once Upon A Time Land here at the foot of the Bavarian mountains. Life in Fairyland can be a real crapshoot. Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose. Today, I lost. My name is Tucker. Tommy Tucker. I run a law enforcement agency called the FBI - The Fairyland Bureau of Investigation. My job, to fight disor... More..
Creative Writing > Humor Humor: Sleep deprivation: 11 of 21
A man went to the doctor complaining of insomnia. The doctor gave him a thorough examination, found absolutely nothing physically wrong with him, and then told him, "Listen, if you ever expect to cure your insomnia, you just have to stop taking your troubles to bed with you.""I know," said the man, "but I can't. My wife refus... More..