Articles written by Bill Avent

What is Helium

About me - Bill Avent

Just a guy with limited capacity for suffering fools gladly. Especially ones who have lightweight gas bubbles where their brains should be, and IQs to match their suburban speed limit.

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Creative Writing > Poetry Poetry: Fear: 37 of 305

If ever the terrorist threat is all overWhat will they teach us to fear?Well there's the sun, and the seaAnd the air we breathe,And not living for ever and ever.Wrinkles, chapped elbows, tannin, caffeineUnseemly words, and bad weather.Deadly tar and the dread nicotineHearing too much truth, and real butter.And slugs and snail... More..
Travel > Travel Diaries & Adventures (Other) Weird travel stories: 19 of 69

Walking In The MalleeMark Twain traveled in this country, and found it somewhat weird. He amused many with his writings about his travels here, but I'll bet he never walked in the mallee.Isaac Duff did, and his younger sister Jane, and their little half-brother, Frank, not quite four year old. Their walk made them famous. Not... More..
Arts & Humanities > English Language The shortest complete sentence in the English language: 3 of 9

Jesus WeptWhen Australia was celebrating the bi-centenary of Captain Cook's arrival in what is now Sydney's Botany Bay, where he claimed ownership of this land mass on behalf of the British Empire, a gift was received from neighboring country New Zealand. It was three enormous letters, made, I think, from fiberglass. The lett... More..
Travel > Travel (Other) The currency of Australia: 1 of 3

Let Us Have Money!In the early days of settlement Australia had no currency, or at least not enough to go around. Such things as money had to come from England; and whilst English importers and exporters loaded their outward bound ships with plenty of rum to keep the colonials happily drunk, they resisted requests to send suf... More..
Creative Writing > Novel Excerpts Novel excerpts: Childhood: 5 of 14

"GOOD day today, eh Mister?"Wendy was climbing into bed. She had just returned from the shower block, where as much water as you could possibly want came right out of the wall. It just kept coming and never ran out until you turned the handle to stop it. Not like the bag shower, who ran out to a dribble if you didn't hurry up... More..
Creative Writing > Novel Excerpts Novel excerpts: Parenting: 2 of 5

PARENT BY DEFAULTHEARING the man's approach Black Peter barked once, came running. The dog looked ridiculous, a blue tea towel tied around his head, draped over his body a yellow tablecloth, held in place by leg holes cut in it and masking tape stuck to his coat. "Good Lord," said McCarthy.In a moment the child appeared throu... More..
Arts & Humanities > Writing & Rating at Helium Writer's practical guide for using commas correctly: 6 of 12

Oscar Wilde is reported to have said, in reply to someone who had asked him how he had spent his day: "I spent the morning putting in a comma; and the afternoon taking it out."Wilde was a wit, and his reply facetious, to be sure. But we can see from it that he recognized the need to labor over what he intended to present to h... More..
Sports & Recreation > Camping How to keep the bees away from a camping site: 3 of 5

I adore the little critters, but I can see how most people would prefer not to have too many buzzing around their campsite. For one thing, no one goes camping hoping to get a bee sting. On a more positive note, however, it could do you good. It is no longer an old wives' tale that bee stings can have a therapeutic effect. It ... More..