Stanley Teater About Me Page at Helium

My passion is ...

a well-crafted sentence.

I know too much about ...

Britney Spears.

My parents always told me ...

to get a civil service job. I should've listened.

My childhood ambition ...

was to be a novelist. Or play center field for the Yankees.

My favorite memory ...

is having a memory. It starts fading away after 50.

Why I write ...

It stimulates me. Sort of like Viagra for the brain.

What I am reading/watching/listening to ...

The Meditations of Marcus Aurelius. (Okay, I'm kidding.)

My first job ...

Picking corn for a farmer in Lampasas, TX. For $1 an hour.

My best moment ...

I'm still waiting. And hoping.

My inspiration ...

An empty bank account.

Creative Writing > Short Stories Short stories: Surreal tales: 13 of 38

THE ULTIMATE MONEY-BACK GUARANTEE L. Jameson Whitlock is a very careful man. He always locks his door and before he gets halfway down the driveway he goes back and jiggles the knob just to make sure he really did it. He never steps on a crack even though his mother resides in an urn on his mantel and breaking her back is an impossibility. He never eats food he doesn't prepare himself because "you just never know what they put in it." He never married because he hasn't yet forgiven Eve, doesn't own a pet because he wants to avoid the sadness that would surely come after it died, and never e...
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