: About Me

I'm a dilettante, a dabbler, a jack of all trades and master of none. I love to learn and I spend a great deal of my time and energy scratching my various and ever changing curiosity itches. Once I've satisfied my curiosity about x, y or z, however, I'm on to something new. The main reason I joined Helium is the hope that it will impose upon me the self-discipline I lack when it comes to writing - I can never seem to make myself follow through on my self-imposed writing assignments, and have a sincere optimism that I will fare better with writing assignments from Helium.

I love to laugh, to experience new things, to have FUN. My primary goal in life is to have fun. I hesitate to share this about myself because it sounds so incredibly shallow and self-serving, but there it is. As a young girl in Catholic School, I despaired that I might someday be accepted into heaven, because singing God's praises accompanied by the heavenly hosts (on harps!) for eternity sounded like the most boring, least fun fate imaginable - an eternal boredom in no way mitigated by the promise of wings, because when did you get ever get to use the wings if you were always busy singing God's praises?

I hope that I use my love of fun to good effect; that I leaven it with a large measure of tolerance and a heaping scoop of learning. I try to, in any case.

Cheers!

My passion is ...

As Richard Feynman once said, "Anything becomes interesting if you look at it closely enough". Anything new to learn is likely to fire me up.

I know too much about ...

...nothing. One can never know too much.

My parents always told me ...

...curiosity killed the cat. I remember how thrilled I was the day I learned the rest of that saying, "satisfaction brought him back."

My childhood ambition ...

I read "All Things Great and Small" when I was about 9, and for the next 10 years, I was determined to be a Vetrinarian.

My favorite memory ...

There are so many... one that comes to mind is the day my daughter told me that, "Billy Shrader just shit his pants. I patiently explained to her that "poop" was a "nicer" word and that she should use that instead so people wouldn't be offended. She listened to me solemnly through the entire speech then matter-of-factly asked me, "You mean you don't want me to tell you when Billy Shrader shits his pants?"

Why I write ...

I love interplay between thought and writing, and the new ways I can wrap my mind around a subject once I've written about it.

What I am reading/watching/listening to ...

Usually, "The New Yorker", "CNN" and "Fresh Air"

My first job ...

I was a stock-girl at a women's apparel shop. It was incredibly boring. The only thing that kept me on the job was my determination to perfect the "restocking process".

My best moment ...

Reporting a serious crime I witnessed a co-worker commit, even though it cost me my job, and despite the fact that everyone around me told me to, "keep my head low."

My inspiration ...

Ahh, there are so many. In my personal life, my dad and my grandma loom large. Historically, Albert Einstein and Thomas Edison come to mind. On the world stage today, I admire Bill Clinton's post-presidency work.

Creative Writing > Humor Humor: Lessons learned from horror movies

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The top ten things I've learned from horror movies: 10. Never attend the off-season reunion of the camp you used to work at, especially if the reunion won't be attended by anyone over the age of 18. 9. The lights did not go out because of the storm. The killer cut them. Pick up the phone and you'll see what I mean. 8. Don't break up into groups to check out the disturbance. It's the killer, and he's waiting for you split up so he can kill you. 7. Don't be a jerk or a prima donna. Killers wreak the most horrific deaths on horrible people. 6. Don't bother running to the police. They won't be...

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• Helium Charter Member