: About Me

Mr. Fabulous was born in the early hours of the morning in early spring, Boston 1962. This, more than anything else, should serve to dispel the rumors that he had anything to do with the Kennedy assasination. It is difficult enough to pull off a vast conspiracy culminating in the murder of the leader of the free world, let alone trying to do it from a crib while you sit in a steaming pile of your own feces.

At the tender age of five, his family relocated to Western Massachusetts and settled in the town of Northampton, in the heart of the picturesque Pioneer Valley. It was an idyllic childhood, marred only by the occasional whispers among the townsfolk upon the disappearance of a neighborhood dog or cat that "the weird kid probably had something to do with it."

As a teenager, Mr. Fab was popular among his peers, always the life of the party and, depending upon his mood, the belle of the ball. And as far as his frequent brushes with Johnny Law, Mr. Fab is quick to point out that although he was often arrested, he was never indicted.

Bounced out of several colleges for his refusal to wear pants during class, Mr. Fab entered the workforce and quickly distinguished himself not only as a dedicated and tireless worker but as a sexual harassment lawsuit waiting to happen. Fortunately, the removal of his testicles during a brief but memorable stay in a Burmese prison during spring break prevented him from actually acting upon any of his smarmy advances.

It was not long after the last complaint was dismissed that he met Mrs. Fab, and quickly took her for his wife. It was more than true love. It was also the promise of a large dowry which included not only goats and chickens, but also a diseased cow and several bushels of toenail clippings. It was a match made in heaven.

After many years of fruitless fishing expeditions on the Connecticut river, Mr. Fab came home and said to his wife "Wife, I don't think I'm ever going to pull any fruit out of that river. Let us journey to the deep south, where we can marry our cousins and revel in poor dental hygiene."

And with that, the Fabs relocated to upstate South Carolina, where the culture shock was so great for Mr. Fab that for the first several months he lay in a semi-comatose state, only occasionally coming out of it to mumble something about "ce-ment ponds" and "squealing like a pig."

Eventually he recovered and went to work in the loan industry, collecting money from poor people who were behind on their payments. Those who could not pay suffered particularly harsh treatment. Often he would begin dirty dancing in their kitchen, and then if they still claimed to not have their payment, he would do a slow strip tease in front of the children and the family pets. He usually left with the money.

Eventually, the Fabs heard the siren song of the Sunshine State calling to them. Floridawhere the streets were paved with gold. They settled in Gainesville, and Mr. Fab went to work for the local blood center, where he served them faithfully in several capacities for nearly six years until they brutally savaged his rep and stuck an entire butcherblock full of cutlery in his back all because of this very blog.

Which brings us to today. Mr. Fab divides his time between his writing and dealing a little skag to junkies. He can often be found in one of the local parks exposing himself to squirrels or down on Depot Avenue in the company of his favorite crack whore, Vixen.

If there is anything Mr. Fab can do for you, please remember that you are inconveniencing him.

Arts & Humanities > Internet Writing & Blogging How to increase traffic to your blog

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I have been blogging for about 16 months now. My blog is very popular, and I am in the middle of launching 3 blogs. For the first few months it seemed as if I was only writing for myself. Then as time went on, I found an audience. The core of that audience has shifted over the past year, but the site has grown in popularity. Here is the best advice I can give: 1) First, take your time and write correctly. Everyone makes the occasional spelling or grammatical error, but do your best to write cleary, concisely, and error-free. 2) The look of your blog can play an important part in gaining re...

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