Articles written by Aleister Pinkbelly - Page 5

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About me - Aleister Pinkbelly

Besides the day job I work to pay the bills, I write for NewsMutiny.com amongst other things. email: davegreg@newsmutiny.com

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Creative Writing > Humor Humor: Food: 96 of 139
Wait Loss Tips For Jackasses Start an opiate habit. Opiates such as heroin, morphine, Oxycontin and Vicodin not only suppress the appetite, but can even help purge calories you've already consumed from your system in ample doses. Also, unlike speed, crank and other dangerous methamphetamines, opiates will leave you feeling w... More..
Creative Writing > Satire Satire: Elections: 5 of 7
Diebold Voting Machines Come To Life In San Diego, Attack Democrat Voters - Dozens were killed and scores more injured in north San Diego county today when the voting machines they were using in a special election to select a replacement for the 50th District seat vacated by former House representative Duke Cunningham came t... More..
Creative Writing > Satire Satire: Politics: 66 of 88
News From The Future - Republican "Frankenstein" Candidate Attacks President Obama During Debate - Republican Presidential nominee and so-called ultimate politician Libber T. Freedom smashed much of the set, struck moderator Brian Williams in the head and nearly strangled President Obama to death when he went on a rampage du... More..
Creative Writing > Satire Satire: Freedom: 12 of 16
Someone Should Pass Some Laws to Protect Me from My Big Fat Drunken Dumb Self Hey, there. How's it going? Not so good here. I'm a total blimp, my blood pressure is off the chart, and at the age of thirty-five my doctor says I'm overdue for a heart attack unless I cut out all my bad habits and start living healthy. Sadly howe... More..
Travel > United States Holidays in Park City, Utah: 6 of 8
If you like your family and would actually enjoy spending an extended period of time with them on holiday in a winter wonderland, you can't go wrong with gorgeous Park City, Utah. Tucked away in the Snyderville Basin just 32 miles from Salt Lake City, the small town of Park City attracts hundreds of thousands of visitors eve... More..
Creative Writing > Humor Humor: Rock music: 10 of 13
Bon Jovi Comeback Mimics Patterns Seen in Herpes Virus - According to the latest New Jersey Journal of Medicine, social-epidemiologists are using the herpes simplex virus as a model to explain the pattern of re-emergence of Bon Jovi, the 80's hair band that seems to disappear only to re-surface with another terrible album ev... More..
Creative Writing > Satire Satire: Death: 18 of 23
I'll Get You Yet, Lance Armstrong! - By: Death - Well, well, well Mr. Lance Armstrong, so-called cycling extraordinaire, haven't you gotten a bit smug over giving me the slip a few years back? Yes Lance, I've seen the silly little commercial you made taunting the testicular cancer I gave you that you "beat". Very cute. You'r... More..
Creative Writing > Humor Humor: Terrorism: 4 of 5
Cheney Memo Advocates Dress-Up Torture of Dogs Affiliated with Terrorist Groups, Pets In an addendum to a previous memo the Vice President sent to the Senate proposing the exemption of Central Intelligence Agency employees from a legislative measure endorsed earlier this month by 90 Senators that would bar cruel and degradin... More..
Creative Writing > Satire Satire: Family conflict: 10 of 12
Scattergories Dispute Ends With Three Dead - A game of Scattergories ended with three dead when disgruntled participant Rudy Norwood, 28, stabbed and killed his father, sister and brother-in-law with a screwdriver Saturday. Marketed as a wholesome, family oriented game that challenges contestants to match categories using wo... More..
Creative Writing > Satire Satire: School: 12 of 14
Mom's New Hummer Makes Life A Living Hell For Bay Area Middle Schooler Since being seen disembarking from his mother's new Hummer outside of Rolling Hills Middle School this Monday, life has been miserable for eleven year-old Josh Ritterman of Pacifica, California, an affluent coastal town just south of San Francisco. In con... More..