Articles written by Aleister Pinkbelly - Page 3

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About me - Aleister Pinkbelly

Besides the day job I work to pay the bills, I write for NewsMutiny.com amongst other things. email: davegreg@newsmutiny.com

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Creative Writing > Humor Humor: Dating etiquette: 3 of 6
How To Score With Chicks - Tips For Today's Insane Gentleman - Offering to buy a woman a drink in a bar is a good first step towards scoring. If she says she's not thirsty or simply doesn't drink, try offering her the five bucks you were going to spend on the beverage to come back to your place. Most women want to be pursued... More..
Creative Writing > Humor Humor: High pressure salesmen: 1 of 2
What Do I Need to Say to Put You in this Coffin Today? - By: An Empty Shell, Perhaps with a Marketing Degree - Oh hi there. I see the Excelsior has caught your eye. It's a fine coffin - very elegant. Do you mind if I ask what brings you by to see us today? Oh dear, that's too bad. How long were you married? Wow, that's almos... More..
Entertainment > Movie Reviews Movie reviews: Suicide Killers: 1 of 1
'Suicide Killers' Directed By: Pierre Rehov As thought provoking, chilling, depressing and sometimes hilarious one might expect a documentary on Palestinian suicide bombers to be, watching Pierre Rehov's "Suicide Killers" is a little bit like listening to schizophrenic with a shelf full of Stephen Hawking books at home rambl... More..
Entertainment > Television (Other) Humor: Control of the remote: 9 of 16
Polygamist Misses Entire Ballgame - Circleville, Utah - Owing to the incessant obstruction of his view of the television screen by many of his 84 wives and 59 children, local Mormon polygamist Benjamin Baird missed every play of the Colorado Rockies broadcast he tried to watch Monday night. A ninth inning throwing error by W... More..
Religion & Spirituality > Religious Concepts (Other) Exploring the concept of free will: 25 of 44
Free Will is an Illusion Should I have taken surface streets instead of the highway? Why did I eat all those cupcakes? What if I spent that one weekend last year learning a foreign language instead of planting bombs inside all those farmers' mailboxes? All stupid questions, because the people asking them are presuming they h... More..
Creative Writing > Satire Satire: The future: 16 of 28
News from the Future: Government Plan Offers Incentives for Abortions, Suicide Jan. 28, 2115 Our most exalted leader President George Handsomefellow Bush III announced today the inception of a new federal program dubbed "Heroes Way Out" that will grant valuable rewards to citizens who choose to end their own lives, that of t... More..
Creative Writing > Humor Humor: Materialism: 4 of 7
Scientists Discover Mutation Responsible For Aversion To Retarded Pop-Culture Crap - Over the last half century they've walked amongst us while taking different forms, these hippies, beats, punks, goths, intellectuals, and so-called tasteful types who chuff and roll their eyes at the slightest mention of some piece of retard... More..
Creative Writing > Humor Humor: Exercise: 41 of 71
The Brain is the Least Important Muscle for any Good Workout - By: Shane Boddinger - Personal Trainer - Hi there, bro. Sorry to interrupt, but I was just wondering what you'd rate your workout so far with us here today on a scale of one to ten, with one being, like, really bad, and ten being, like, completely awesome. See? I... More..
Creative Writing > Humor Humor: Mourning: 11 of 19
Funeral Etiquette Tips - Upon learning of a passing, it's proper to pay your respects to the grieving family in the form of a visit. If you live a moderate distance away, look into carpooling with other acquantances of the family needing to fulfill the same obligation. If you live a distance away you consider prohibitive, at... More..
Creative Writing > Humor Humor: Growing up: 13 of 22
New Non-Amusement Park "Realityworld" to Teach Children Harsh Realities of Life - Look out Disneyland, here comes Realityworld. The new non-amusement park, set to open its gates in La Palma, California in 2009, will be devoted to dispelling the promotion of fairy tales and the endorsement of the existence of magic in the wor... More..