Articles written by Andrea Sanford

What is Helium

About me - Andrea Sanford

I guess I'm here to learn, and have been learning the hard and loong way that publishing takes time, it takes hard work, and it takes a good sense of humor. So I guess I aim to have all that, and if I don't have enough, get it.

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Creative Writing > Humor Humor: Work: 32 of 202
You know you're having a Monday' at work, when your first conversation with a customer starts by you saying, "Hi, how are you?" - with absolutely no interest in your voice. Customer replies: "I'm good, how are you?" And you reply, "Good. How are you?" Then you proceed to awkwardly listen to crickets while the customer either ... More..
Creative Writing > Humor Humor: Family memories: 16 of 85
Why My Family Is UniqueWhen I say family', I am referring to a haphazard clash of personalities that are related by DNA or by consent of marriage. There are 8 of us now, since my oldest two sisters, Bekka and Deanna, went and found men (Eric and Aaron). My older brother Jon-boy and I are the last two little egg-lings ready to... More..
Creative Writing > Short Stories Short stories: A general mystery: 12 of 49
A lone picnic table, shadowed by a fortress of willow trees are just on the outskirts of the lake. His name is James. He sat there. Old, alone and quiet. He crossed his legs and stared at them, deep in thought. "Grandpa! Look at me!" He looked up with a start. Who said that? The playground was silent. The wind blew in warning... More..
Creative Writing > Humor Humor: Musicians: 2 of 6
Confession of a Clarinetist I'm a clarinetist. Clarinetist, being interpreted one who plays the clarinet as often as her Dad makes her. That's right. I'm a teen. A teen with attitude and clarinet. Watch out, World. Ever since I learned to squeak on the thing, I've wanted to play flute. But, somehow my Dad managed to force me ... More..
Politics, News & Issues > War in Iraq Commentary: The ideal of freedom and the real war in Iraq: 22 of 63
WAKE UP PEOPLE! I don't know about you, but I am so sick of hearing that our troops cannot achieve victory, and that everything America is fighting for right now is fruitless! How much more of America's compassion needs to be stretched for illegal (yes I did say illegal) immigrants, but drastically reduced for the people in I... More..
Creative Writing > Humor Humor: Pets: 60 of 138
Closet Litter-box Cleaner The bathroom is meant to be a human's sanctuary and the cleanest place in the house. How badly I feel, that my poor cat, who considers herself far better than any human (that would be me), has only a dark hidden corner to retreat to during her quiet time. Her litter box is not in the corner because I... More..
Food & Drink > Dining & Restaurants (Other) Should restaurants be required to list calories and fat grams on their menus?: 82 of 163
Ignorance is bliss. A worn out statement? Absolutely. However, it's worn out for a reason. People in general, myself included, do not enjoy a menu riddled with guilt inspiring calories. A health-food restaurant may very well want to supply such information, because the customers eating there are more likely to be enquiring af... More..
Politics, News & Issues > Terrorism Major causes of terrorism in the world today: 10 of 15
Bush may serve God, and Osama may serve Allah, but that makes neither of them terrorists.It is possible that any one of us can be terrorists. Arabs with turbans around their heads aren't the only terrorists of this world. Muslims, however, are greatly different from Christians, because it is their practice - their FAITH - to ... More..
Pets & Animals > Animal Rights & Issues Pet shops: Rules that should be introduced: 4 of 6
Pet shops are blessed places. There's nothing I love more, as a teen, than visiting a good pet shop full of little kids. With all this happiness invested in me, it's the pure fun of it that drives me to write this article. Rule #1: All pet stores need lots of loud birds right at the front of their story. And none of that hidi... More..
Creative Writing > Satire Satire: Despair: 2 of 3
Voting is a fruitfly -invisible one minuteAnd then up one's nose the next.Because of the process whereuntohelim.com subjects me,Despair, hand in hand with defeat,Bind me to a headache.I do not despair for fear of death,or in anguish of loss.I'm despairing,quite earnest at present,because here, on helium.comI cannot cease,gett... More..