Articles written by Andy Jordan

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Creative Writing > Reflections Reflections: Wet streets: 1 of 3
I learned in school, when they make movies sometimes they'll hose down the street before shooting a scene. Why do they do this? Because it looks good. Streets do look better when they're wet. But why? Some people say it's because the womb is wet, others insist that when a street is wet, it implies a street that is able to cry... More..
Creative Writing > Poetry Poetry: Time: 270 of 759
I place my ear to Time's bosom.And ask, "Are you crying?""I am not able" Time replied through her tears.These lies of Time bind meTo her bosom as we make loveFor the third time tonightI place my ear to Time's bosomAnd ask, "Are you laughing?""One does not laugh when unable to smile"These lies of Time blind meYet I still feel ... More..
Creative Writing > Humor Humor: Funerals: 17 of 38
The funniest funeralwas not for a clownOr a juggler or wise-ass M.C.It was not for the mayorof the funniest townor the writer of funny TVThe bloodiest funeralwas not for the mobnor the one where some guy set off bombsIt was not for a soldierthat took place in a bogduring battle in South VietnamThe muddiest funeralOccured not ... More..
Creative Writing > Humor Humor: Shopping at the grocery store: 22 of 49
Shopping at the grocery store. Or is it the supermarket? These days it's hard to keep up with what they're calling that place for food and household cleaner shopping. The first thing I do when I'm grocery shopping is go look at the grapes. Isn't it weird that in one bin the grapes are loose (on the vine of course), that is, w... More..
Creative Writing > Humor Humor: Teaching the violin: 2 of 4
Ever teach the violin? Think you wanna try? I did... whoops! First of all, don't become a violin teacher if you don't like violin cases. They're everywhere! It got to the point where I couldn't even get to the bathroom from the living room because of the great violin case mountain range that emerged through the kitchen across... More..
Creative Writing > Poetry Poetry: Dogs: 96 of 176
Dogs-They'll chase those sticks and logsAnd swim around in filthy bogsEven when they're warned not to.Dogs-While sleeping they still jogThey'll stick their nose in my egg nogRight after it touched their butt.Dogs-Your toilet's got a clogDon't ask that crazy lazy dogto fix it, he won't want to.Dogs-Pigs have hoofs, dogs have p... More..
Creative Writing > Humor Humor: Food: 82 of 139
There are few funnier places these days than a pantry. Even the name, "pantry" is funny, in a way. Where are all the pans? Not in the pantry- they're in the cupboard! Pans in a cupboard! Then where are the cups? They're also in the cupboard, but not with the pans. Two cupboards, or more, all for cups and pots, plates and pans... More..
Creative Writing > Memoirs Memoirs: Life on a boat: 3 of 5
There was a time I served as an oarsman aboard The Moldy Kettle. If you've ever worked the oars you might know what I mean, or you might not. The Kettle was a funny boat. The rowing song was straight enough; "All aboard the Moldy Kettle! Iron oars and floors a' Metal! Shore to shore nowhere's t'settle! Forward goes the Moldy ... More..
Pets & Animals > Reptiles & Amphibians Crested gecko care: 2 of 3
For the record, it is certainly possible to care FOR crested geckos even if you don't care ABOUT crested geckos. However, if you are not careful, several common mistakes may occur. To avoid these, we must examine the crested gecko, and see how it differs from his crestless brothers. The largest and only difference between cr... More..
Creative Writing > Humor Boomer humor: You might not be a baby boomer if: 30 of 40
There's a lot of reasons you might not be a baby boomer. I'm not a baby boomer. You might not be one either. You might not be a baby boomer if you're younger than me. That's obvious, since I'm not one... But not definite, because I COULD be OLDER than a baby boomer, right?. You might not be a baby boomer if you're older than ... More..