A good relationship depends on the attitude of TWO people. The most vital element to creating an amicable association with your ex is their willingness to meet you half way. If you don't have that then the best you can achieve is a personal integrity that withdraws from battle rather than taking up the sword.

Never Forget:

You will not forget the pain or the anger and you should not. Attempting to forget these things is what causes abused women to stay with their husbands and children to be raised in loveless homes. It is important to remember the bad times, they will strengthen your independence and confirm your choice to divorce, but it is even more important to remember the good times.

The harsh reality of divorce often shadows the past and it becomes easy to forget those wonderful moments. For however many months or years your marriage lasted there were some good times. There were some beautiful memories and so many things to remain thankful for. If you want a good relationship with your ex-husband or ex-wife then it is important to remember and to reflect on the good. Remember the person you married and why you married, who you both were, young and foolish maybe but sharing something meaningful and magical.

Offer Respect:

Respect yourself and respect your ex. There is often a crushing sense of failure that comes down around our shoulders during and after a divorce. We took those vows, "till death do us part" with an honest belief that this marriage would last forever. When things fall apart blame and anger loom. While we might thrust that anger toward our former partner it is usually simply a reflection of the contempt we hold for ourselves.

Healing from this self-brutalization can take a long time. Learning to forgive each other and ourselves requires the distance of time from the emotions of the present. To get along with your former partner however, you'll have to learn to respect and accept yourself and you'll also have to respect and accept your ex.

Move Forward:

Finally, the only way you will ever be able to overcome the bickering of your shared past is to move forward. Create a future for yourself and decide what kind of future relationship you want to have with your ex. If there are children between you it is important to be able to get along. If you find yourselves wandering memory lane together, leave behind the negative. They do neither party any credit. Accept that the past is over and that you are both in control of where the future will take you. Forge a new road and lay the past behind you both.

Learn more about this author, Rebecca Laffar-Smith.
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