Though we are animals with natures, we are also animals with principled capabilities. If one would 'like to say' rude things back to rude customers, that one has abandoned his or her principles to nature. Don't worry, though; that's natural!

The old adage 'the customer is always right' is misunderstood by most people. I suspect most people think the adage is 'the customer is always correct,' which is indisputably incorrect. 'Right' and 'correct' do not have the same meaning. Though algebra suggests we should always simplify, perhaps the adage is better understood by allowing the complexity of two thoughts: (1) the customer is always the customer. (2) Customers represent income; employees represent expense. Ergo, though the customer is not always correct, the customer is always right.

I have experience both as a rude customer, and as one responsible to resolve problems and complaints with customers. Generally, I become a rude customer when I feel I have a legitimate complaint or problem, and am being ignored or passed around. Though other rude customers may have different 'breaking points,' I will suggest that customers are perceived as rude by employees who are ignoring the problem, or in the line of those to whom the customer has been passed.

I 'like to' impress and please 'my employers' and 'their customers!' With that premise, here are the ten things I would most like to say to a rude customer:

Number TEN: I assure you that you have my full attention to help you resolve the problem. Please explain the problem to me.

Number NINE: I am unable to resolve the problem for you. Please observe as I contact the person who is able to resolve it for you, and explain the situation so you will not need to explain it again. I will obtain further instructions on the spot.

Number EIGHT: Exchanging this one for that one should resolve your problem.

Number SEVEN: This additional product that another did not cross-sell is what you need to add to make the product/service capable of doing that.

Number SIX: The solution is to upgrade to this product or service. It will do that which you want this one to do.

Number FIVE: Yes, you can enhance this upgraded product or service by adding this additional product or service.

Number FOUR: Of course we can combine this service or product you purchase elsewhere to improve your efficiency!

Number THREE: Yes, I believe I can resolve this similar problem for your referrals. Here are the business cards you requested.

Number TWO: Certainly, Mr. Gates, I will immediately place that order for your entire staff, and add the extended warranty plans as you wished!

And the number ONE thing I would like to say to a rude customer: Thank you for the compliment. It was my pleasure to help you!

Learn more about this author, Tom Koecke.
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