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Humor: Teaching the violin

I do not actually know how to play the violin, but the teacher who knows how to play the violin is taking some time off to pay some bills. I will be your substitute until the teacher who knows how to play the violin is able to return.

Anyway, here is how to play the violin:

First, you need to get a violin. Violins are available at stores that sell violins. If you cannot find a store that sells violins, you can probably get one on e-Bay. If you get it from e-Bay, you will have to wait for delivery.

Second, the violin should come in two pieces. One is the violin; the other is the bow. The strings on the violin used to be made from the guts of dead cats. I am pretty sure they do not kill the cats any more. The bow is made from horse tail hairs. I don't think they ever killed the horses. If you get a nice violin, it should also come with a case.

Third, the violin has a chin rest on it. It looks a piece of plastic. To hold a violin properly, one hand goes on the long part, and you rest your chin on the plastic piece. The bow goes in the hand that isn't holding the long part of the violin. You are now ready to play the violin.

Fourth, drag the bow across the strings. Use your fingers on different strings at different places on the long part of the violin to make it sound different. You are now playing the violin.

Reading Music

I do not actually know how to read music, but here is how you do it:

First, you need to get a music book. They should have the books for violins at the violin store. If you cannot find a violin store, you should be able to get one on e-Bay.

Second, open the book to a page. It does not matter which page. Any page will do.

Third, the notes are the dots with flags on them. The lines are the scale. You read the notes on the scale from left to right, and play the notes on the violin, which you should be holding properly and playing already.

All you need to do now is practice.

Learn more about this author, Tom Koecke.
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Humor: Teaching the violin

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    Ever teach the violin? Think you wanna try? I did... whoops! First of all, don't become a violin teacher if you don't... read more

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