"Opinions are like butts. Everyone has one, but no one wants to hear them."

Although the above statement is very true, most people don't abide by it. When it comes to childrearing, EVERYONE has an opinion and often times these opinions are actually defenses of one's own parenting choices. Even more so, these opinions are unsolicited and unwanted.

When my husband and I became parents we were at the mercy of all those who had children before us. My husband and I are attachment parents. We believe that we should be proactive in determining our child's needs. We co-sleep, and wear her in a sling. We hold her a lot and we do not let her cry. Of course, when we get around family we are constantly being told that we are spoiling our daughter or that we are making mistakes doing this or that. At first, I would nod and smile and say OK, but I got tired of the assumption that

(1) we knew nothing and
(2) that we had to do everything the way everyone else does.

So, I devised a system of responding.

Advice from parents with OLDER (age 15+) children
When parents who have experience parenting infants more than 15 years ago my response is as follows:
"Things have changed since your children were this age. In fact, many studies have shown that there are different ways to do things now. It doesn't mean that what you did was wrong, it just means that there is more information now."

Advice from parents with children around the same age
Of course you will get advice from parents who have children who are the same age as yours. Most of the time the advice is more of a way of getting validation. I usually respond in the following way:
"That's interesting. Unfortunately, my child doesn't like (insert action/thing here)." OR "I've tried that, but my child is far too determined to have things her way."

Advice from those who don't have children
These people are very opinionated. For some reason people without children seem to think they have all the answers. I have very little patience with this group. Here is my standard response:
"That is good in theory, but in practice it is not as easy." OR "that works when the child is not yours but when you are dealing with your own child things get trickier."

I have learned never to defend my choices. I make decisions based on what I think is best for my daughter, on what my doctor says, and on my personal beliefs. I don't apologize for my choices (even if they are wrong- we all make mistakes) nor do I justify them to anyone other than my husband. When dealing with criticism from other parents, it is important to stand firm to your beliefs and to let then know that you are comfortable with your decisions. If all else fails, smile and walk away.

Learn more about this author, Kristina D.
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