First off, never jump into a relationship or move a relationship along too fast. If you take your time in the beginning, you might get a better idea about the person before you get in too deep.

Never date anyone with a drug or alcohol problem. Drugs and alcohol can make a person violent.

Don't date anyone who is ill tempered or always mad about everything. Not only is there a possiblity for violence, but it will also deteriorate your mood.

Abusive relationships often start out with the abuser being controlling and posessive, which some women actually find appealing. They start off thinking it's so cute that their man is being jealous, and that it shows how much he cares. It is not cute, and it shows insecurity, which is never a good thing!

Slowly they start ruining all relationships you have with anyone aside from them. You're no longer allowed to see your family or friends, they may want you to quit your job and stay home. They'll use threats and guilt trips to get their way, and act completely selfish. Cutting off all ties to friends, family, and job leaves you totally dependent on the abuser. You will basically be trapped now because you have nothing and no one to turn to.

The abuse will start slowly, starting with mental abuse, which has already begun at this point. You are made to feel worthless and unlovable. This can be one of the things stopping you from leaving, the fear that no one else will ever love you. This also sets you up to make you feel like you completely deserve the abuse. You think that if you were a better person, you would not suffer the abuse.

Once the physical abuse begins the abuser will of course apologize and beg forgiveness afterwards, and usually buy you gifts. Yet another reason why you stay....you feel they can't help themselves, or they really didn't mean to.

Getting out of the relationship at any stage is a must! Especially if there are children being subjected to this. Even if there are no children, your own health, well being, and self esteem are at risk. There are programs set up in most areas to help abuse victims escape their abusers. In my town it's called Vera House. Nobody knows where it is except those who live there, or have lived there. Get out of the relationship at all costs and end all contact with the abuser. Do not accept their phone calls, visits, e-mails, or anything, sever all ties! The less contact you have with the person, the less they will be able to sweet talk you back into their lives!

The best way to avoid an abusive relationship is to work on your own self esteem before entering ANY relationship. If you have good self esteem from the get go, you'll be less likely to fall into these traps.

Learn more about this author, Amanda Piper.
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