Let's answer the question with another question. Do you regularly have sex or fantasize about having sex with someone of the same gender as yourself? If the answer is yes, then you're gay. If the answer is no then you're not. It's an easy way to answer an easy question. Or is it?

Let's ask another question. Is being gay only about who you have sex with?

The English comedy actor Kenneth Williams, who died in 1988, remained celibate throughout his entire life, he was gay and knew he was gay; he made no secret of his sexuality. Kenneth was an avid diarist and on many occasions documented his private fantasies about having sex with men.

If this last question were true, then there would be no bisexuals as they'd swing like a pendulum between straight and gay. At this point is it possible to come to the conclusion; being gay is not just a matter of actually doing the deed with someone of the same gender? The answer is yes.

So, another question rears its ugly head. What does make a person gay? Some people say it's a lifestyle choice. Some people claim it's a matter of genetics and some people claim its nurture over nature and all these people also proclaim their statements with an air of authority on the subject.

I'm reminded of the old joke question "What's the difference between a gay man and a straight man? The answer is approx. 6 pints".

To be able to label yourself as gay, you must first have a clear idea about what you're sticking yourself with.

Let me ask you two more questions. Can a straight man have sex with another man and remain straight? Can a gay man have sex with a woman and become straight?

The answers to these two questions I am going to leave to you.

For what it's worth, I'm going to give you my opinion and writing as a gay man myself, I can speak with some authority on the subject.

You might be able to tell if you're gay if any of the following things have happened to you.

1. When you masturbate, you find yourself fantasizing about having sex with people of the same gender and frequently cannot climax unless you are. You will often fantasize about people you know or people you have met or seen recently.

2. When ordering clothes through a mail order catalog, your choice of apparel will often be determined on how sexy the model looks wearing the item.

3. You will buy underwear that is fashionable and sexy because when you are at the gym you want people to look at you and admire you.

4. When your attention wanders whilst sat in a pubic place, unconsciously you'll find your eyes are drawn to someone you are physically attracted to or aspects of their appearance such as face, hair, eyes, legs, breasts or buttocks.

5. You will do a double take when you spot a picture with a half naked person of the same gender from the corner of your eye.

6. When watching television with company, you will feel embarrassed by nudity and scenes of same gender kissing or tenderness. You will try to look at the people you are with out of the corner of your eye to see if they are also looking at you!

Being gay is all about physical attraction and having the capacity to fall in love with someone of the same gender. Not just about the physical acts of sex.

Being gay is a state of mind that determines our conscious and subconscious impulses into carrying out physical actions and realizations of our private fantasies.

How do you tell if you're gay?

Deep down, you'll know. It's up to you if you run away from it or embrace it with an open mind.

Learn more about this author, Mike Deakin.
Click here to send author comments or questions.

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