I am new to Helium, but I can't tell you how happy I joined when I discovered this category! I must be in heaven. If it weren't for the category, I would never let anyone see this, but it seems to be tailor-made! Thanks for reading - Lirpa

Greetings, Readers. I am Padraic. I am a bottle of 2005 California Cabernet, communicating to you through a most excellent medium, Lirpa. Oh dear, you might say, since you might not be familiar (or comfortable) with bottles of alcohol writing articles. Well, let me tell you something: it's been done before. There have been documented incidents in the past where bottles of wine have communicated with the solid world. (You lucky ones who have received such communications know who you are, and, you're welcome.)

For the uninitiated: this should not come as a surprise to you if you think about it. Do we really mean what we say when we're drunk? Herein lays the question, and thus the reason for the writing!

Okay, so maybe Wine only composes a certain percentage of the drunken ramblings that are the bane of the existence of the sober human race, but still! If you add the rest of the inebriants, such as: whiskey, gin, vodka, tequila, mad dog 20/20, etc., you have to admit that alcohol does statistically affect the perception of truthfulness in human to human contact, right? Alcohol, as its own entity, does its fair share of damage, wouldn't you say? Come on now, look at "spur of the moment weddings", the "I love you or I loathe you mans", the "you're the best thing that ever happened to me's"all of that, recanted over and over again in the light of sobriety using the "alcohol defense." Why on earth wouldn't alcohol speak out in its own defense once in a while? Alcohol lacks the ability to arrange its molecules into a firm enough physical impetus to type on a keyboard, so sadly we must work through friendly mediums such as Lirpa, but should that prevent the unbiased publication of our thoughts? I mean, you humans have the insanity defense; you have the mental illness defenseJeez! People get off KILLING other people because they have PMS, for Christ's sake! That's a treatable hormonal condition! Why can't I, Padraic, a very sensible "working" wine, (suitable for drinking, cooking and gifting) be able to defend myself? I see no reason why I should not continue. For those of you who oppose reading thoughts composed by Wine, or ANY type of alcohol, you should leave now. Now, to commence:

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