One of my favorite episodes of the show, Friends, was when one of Phoebe's friends told her that no one ever did anything that was completely selfless, and Phoebe set out to prove her friend wrong. She informed him that she often gave her friends gifts and never got anything in return, and that was selfless. He reminded her that she felt good about the gift after giving it, so she did get something from it. She went to the park and let herself be stung by a bee, and then she went back to her friend and showed him the bee sting, insisting it was a selfless act because she did not want to be stung, so it was only for the bee's benefit that she allowed it to happen. Her friend informed her that a bee dies right after it stings. One could also argue that every "selfless" act she tried was done in order to prove to her friend that she could be selfless, so the acts were actually selfish.

Watching this silly show actually makes one think. Is any act really selfless?

What about love? Can selfless love be selfish love? In my experience, true love is both selfless and selfish. The selfless part is easy to recognize. When we love someone unconditionally, we are willing to do anything for this person, even die for this person. Consider a mother and a child. Although I have not been lucky enough to have experienced this relationship for myself, I have been told by many that everything changes once a baby comes into a person's life. Suddenly, everything is about this child. The things that seemed to be so important no longer matter in the least. Sacrifices are easily made. The person's own life is set aside, and all focus is on this littler person. There is no doubt to the person that he or she would gladly walk into the middle of a busy street for this child.

The selfish part is not as easy to recognize. It is simply the spark of life that the person we love generates within us. That is, after all, the definition of love. It is a spark of life within us, a reason beyond ourselves to live life. A person who has no love in their lives might tend to spiral down into a depression and even consider taking his or her own life.

Love makes life worth living. For this reason, love is also selfish, just as much as it is selfless.

Learn more about this author, Amelia Love.
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