Criminal misuse of nature's finest product.

Ovens are for roasts and bread-baking, for custards and turkeys. They appreciate being tenderly cared for. Microwaves are for convenience not taste. Microwaves often make cardboard. Bacon is not cardboard. Use microwaves to quick-dry socks. Use bacon to uplift a spirit.

People choose alternative methods for cooking bacon because of lack of uniformity in the cooking process. I have captured the word uniformity from thin air and have claimed it for my very own bacon recipes. If one chooses to love bacon, in spite of warnings from Republicans or Communists about the sagacity of eating pure nitrates, then one should cook it in its natural glory.

So, in honor of my late and dearly missed Mother, who ALWAYS displayed a perfectly constructed slice of bacon, I shall reveal her secret for the world to see. Curled and undercooked ends take honors for the reason bacon is dismissed from consumption. Here's the secret. Drum roll please!

My deepest pardon Mom for revealing the secret of eternal bacon.

Take a frying pan, skillet or non-stick grill and place it on the stove. The rest is simple engineering. Take a bacon slice in your trembling hands and lay 1/2 of the slice in the pan. Now the secret. As you gently place the balance of the slice in the pan, double up the center of the slice. This method leaves each end flat against the surface while the center is doubled.

Turn the heat on medium high. Do not touch the slice until you see all the fat has been cooked from both ends. The additional weight in the center prevents the ends from curling. Take a fork and gently turn the bacon and lay it out normally. Notice the center has browned nicely and the ends are browning and not curled.

Finish cooking on medium-high heat turning a few times till crisp and evenly browned. Remove to paper towels to drain and keep warm.

Voila! A masterpiece.

Disclaimer: My attorney has advised me that he will stand ready to defend me against frivolous
lawsuits by pretenders who believe their method is superior. He has also indicated that husbands who now will eat at least 1 pound at each sitting might be subject to a slight elevation in triglycerides and LDL. We are not responsible for any shortages at your local supermarket.

Happy mornings!

Learn more about this author, Ralph Lawrence.
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