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Secrets destroy relationships. Hiding feelings, thoughts, deeds and even needs begins the growth of a cancer that eats away at a seemingly happy couple. This cancer can begin so subtly it goes unnoticed until it is fatal. Preventing the primary stages of development is both a safeguard and nourisher for couples. Employing healthy communication skills that are respectful but honest and building trust are imperative.

The secrets that destroy are not necessarily an affair or event. They are the angry, bitter thoughts or unmet needs that continue to fester and grow beneath the surface of one persons heart. They rear their ugly heads in unexpected places crippling communication and undermining respect between lovers. For example, Mary may be angry or annoyed with Jim because of an unkind comment he made yesterday. He was short and rude with her after an argument with his partner and was never aware the comment hurt her. Rather than bringing it out into the open and taking the risk of an argument, she packs those feelings down deep inside. She doesn't quite trust him enough to be vulnerable with her emotions. However, the hurt doesn't just go away. The next day over breakfast she is short and aloof with him. He has no idea what's wrong. She chooses to avoid honest communication and nurses her hurt feelings. Having no idea the origin of their problem was a simple misunderstanding communication breaks down and the relationship that was full of excitement and harmony becomes wrought with discord until the root cause is addressed. Men can't guess the heart of a woman and often women don't open up to men because of a lack of trust. The cycle begins here and deterioration of the relationship follows.

A lack of trust doesn't require an affair, either. Putting up a protective mask over our true self is just as deceptive as cheating. A man may mask hurt or insecurity he is carrying behind a successful career or a hard wall over his emotions. A woman may hide her longing for a commitment in self - sufficiency. These folks never get close enough to the real person they sleep beside to really know them. Tim comes off as an ultra successful businessman with no time for intimate conversation about silly feelings. All the while he aches for someone to really talk to him. His wife is more lonely married than she was when she was single. She never says how she feels because she doesn't want to nag him. A little vulnerability and getting real is in

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