Modern etiquette is not intimidating if you handle social situations in the same way in which you would like to be respected for social events you host, aka: the Golden Rule, "do unto others...".

Upon receiving an invitation for an event, no matter how large or how small, it is simply impolite to not RSVP, even if you are not planning on attending. The first rule, assuming the host or hostess has given ample time, at least two weeks, is to check your personal social and work calendar to see if you are able to attend at all. Less than two weeks is a little rushed on their part, but there could be a good reason behind it, so take heed, and still maintain your social graces. Once it has been decided, you should contact the invitee as soon as possible so A) You don't forget to RSVP and B) In order to give the host plenty of notice in which to include you for food, drinks, seating, etc.

Couple of rules to follow with an RSVP:

1. However the host prefers for you to RSVP, phone or email (which is becoming quite common these days), follow suit. There is a reason they have requested this of you, perhaps for time or organization. If they ask to email and you call, it may slip their mind if they are not prepared to take phone RSVPs. If you are asked to leave a message, then clearly leave your full name, last name spelled, repeated twice, along with the date, time and a phone number in which you can be reached. If you cannot attend, it is suffice to say you have a prior engagement, you were flattered by the invitation, and you hope you are considered again for another event.

2. In regards to the first rule, generally speaking, if an invitation requests a response, but leaves no information in how to respond, the most formal and accepted means, according to Emily Post, is to send a hand written note in which expresses your acceptance of the invitation or your regrets.

3. When trying to decipher who from your household, or if a date, is invited on the invitation, take note of who the invitation is addressed to. The Smith Family usually means the entire family, John Smith and Guest is John and whomever he chooses to bring as his guest (though take care in whom you choose to bring if it affects emotions or your host, it is their party after all, and they were kind enough to invite you in the first place, do not ruin it for them). John and Sara Smith is plainly that, John and Sara Smith. Not John, Sara and the two kids. Most times than not, a request like that is nothing personal towards your adorable children, there may be accommodation issues, or cost issues. One should be sympathetic towards this, not offended.

4. Finally, do not RSVP and not show up. Accidents, emergencies and sudden illness happens, and most gracious hosts are empathetic to those situations. Even in those situations, there may be a minute or two to call and leave the message that you will not be able to attend, and will call later to explain. If you cannot make it for some reason beyond that, ensure you give your host as much notice as possible so they can make arrangements for you not being there. Remember these things cost someone time and money. If you cannot attend after having said you would, a nice note or phone call is a proper way to apologize and hope that you would be invited to another event. If you had to flake on your grandmother, or someone important to you and you feel pretty guilty, you may want to consider sending flowers or cookies, dropping off a nice bottle of wine or their favorite liquor.

Again, etiquette is not a difficult thing if you think of it in the terms of how you would want to be treated if or when the roles are reversed.

Learn more about this author, Stefanie Van Aken.
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