Good behaviour at the dinner table is important for several reasons, but it also important to maintain a balance so that meal times do not turn into a Dickensian nightmare.

You need to be aware of what you are trying to achieve, and set your table rules to suit. You must also be very firm with the basic fact that the parent is in charge, not the child.

Meal times need to provide your child with balanced and adequate nutrition. This cannot be achieved reliably by a child who eats by snacking on the run, so it is important that all meal times are spent sitting at the table. If possible this should include the whole family sitting down at once. The child needs to learn to stay sitting at the table, so that the focus of their attention is eating and not their toys or the television.

It is up to the parent to say when the child is allowed to leave the table, so the parent can be sure the child has eaten adequately. Asking permission to leave the table is also a recognition of respect towards adults, which will transfer to the rest of the child's life.

The dinner table is an ideal place to cultivate social skills that will help your child make friends, be accepted by their peers and boost their confidence. "Please" and "Thankyou" are basic requirements throughout life and these can be taught and re-enforced at meal times. The same is true for sharing and not grabbing things.

Conversation is a crucial skill for a child to develop, which is why I do not believe that children should remain quiet at meal times. However children must learn to talk one at a time, without interupting or shouting.

Foul language is completely unacceptable at the dinner table, just as it is anywhere, and this needs to be remembered by any adults present who may set a bad example.

Disgusting behaviour cannot be allowed because in the outside world it will jeapordise your child's chances of being accepted. You need to let your child understand that it is wrong and unacceptable. So no throwing food, eating with your mouth full, touching and stealing other people's food or taking half chewed food from your mouth.

Children also need to be able to use a knife and fork. It is a basic skill of society that can only be mastered through practice, so eating with fingers should only be allowed for apporpriate foods like pizza.

What parents must understand about meal times, is that table manners aren't just old fashioned rules that your granny insisted on. They teach the basics of social behaviour, and children with good table manners will therefore have a head start over children whose parents have never shown them how to behave in a social situation.

Next time you are eating out, observe tables that include children. You will notice the children are either extremely well behaved and their presence is being enjoyed by their companions, or they are completely incapable of behaving in such a situation and are causing, at the very least, major irritation to those around them. The only difference between these children is whether or not their parents have given them basic social skills.

Learn more about this author, Branwen Smith.
Click here to send this author comments or questions.

---

Add your voice

Know something about Setting realistic expectations for table manners with children?
We want to hear your view. Write now!