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Many people will say that the right time to leave an abusive relationship is at the first sign of abuse. The reality is that it isn't that easy. It is easier to sit on the outside and tell someone to leave than it is to be that person on the inside.
Quite often physical abuse is not the first sign of abuse, the mental abuse has probably started a long time before. Little jibes initially like 'You're not going out like that are you?' 'Have you seen the state of yourself?' Have you not looked in the mirror today?' What have you been doing all day?' 'The house is a tip,' 'the dinner tastes awful,' 'you're useless.' The put downs so many people accept as normal, then the shouting and the verbal abuse, being sworn at. Maybe you get to a point where you shout back, then the physical abuse starts. A slap maybe, he will tell you that it was to 'shut you up' or that you 'were losing control' because he has put you down so often you believe you deserved it. The fact is nobody deserves to be treated like that, but you think you are worthless and useless, may even be convinced that you 'asked for it.'

When a woman, or indeed a man (yes men are victims of domestic abuse too) is being abused their self esteem is rock bottom. They are terrified of leaving as they really don't think they will be able to cope alone. Sometimes there is the threat of further violence from the abuser, threats such as they will find you and they will kill you if you leave are common ones. Sometimes they will feel that staying is the lesser of the two evils. Financial reasons are another one, what will you do for money? If you have no income of your own leaving can be a scary thought. Friends will add to the feelings of despair, they mean well but they tell you how awful he (or she) is, that you don't deserve to be treated like this, you find yourself sticking up for him (or her), you end up feeling even lower as you think your friends are putting you down too. You can't see their concern anymore, feelings have been literally knocked out of you.

The right time to leave is when YOU feel strong enough to do so. Don't be afraid to ask for help, there are many refuges for victims of domestic abuse. Admittedly there are more for female victims than there are for male victims but the awareness for men is improving. Refuges have skilled workers who will support you emotionally and help to go through the options open to you and, if necessary help you claim state benefits. There are workers who will

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