She Is So Much More

Someone once asked me why a woman would let someone abuse her. I looked at this man in bewilderment. Being a child counselor he should know this, shouldn't he? It isn't something that begins in adulthood. It begins with and within the child and continues through the child within us.

I truly believe a part of the cycle comes through a persons psychological makeup from birth. If a person is born with a meek, quiet manner they become an easier target or prey. Then the question is "what happened within the womb to cause this being to be withdrawn; to be a target in the making?"

Each person has her, or his, own set of traumas, maybe since the womb, which paves the way for abused. Low self-esteem doesn't just happen, but is the catapult for a lifetime of mental and physical abuse.

Many people deal with the trauma of incest; feeling alone, ashamed, and without the protection of love, they know in their hearts, should come from their parents. If the parent bond is broken, through physical and mental harm, where does the abused turn? There are so many questions in a child's mind, which left unanswered, can cause a negativity of 'I'm no good', 'I must be bad, unworthy of love, dirty, etc.'

I watched my classmates receiving attention and praise from teachers; the laughter, the arm around the shoulder, the extra attention and wondered 'why not me?' Why was I left to set quietly; struggle in solitude? Did they all know what was happening to me at home? I was ashamed and withdrew further. My teachers would complain to my parents of my quiet behavior; I wasn't doing my best, I was being lazy, lacked motivation and generally felt they were complaining about my very being, which caused me to withdraw further. This cycle continued.

I would be attracted to a boy, but when he would ask me out it just disgusted me. I wasn't used to a male figure being nice to me and felt a negative emotion. Finally I did accept a date when I was nineteen. He was kind, but not too kind, for about two weeks. When I was 'hooked' by his behavior toward me; the hug which I hadn't received all my life, the kiss, although it did nothing for me, was attention I longed for. After two weeks the relationship changed and the abuse I was so used to was prevalent. We married and had three children. After fourteen years of being a devoted mother, making sure my children were safe always, I was like a caged animal. I wasn't allowed to leave my home without at least one

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