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Essays: Divorce

My five-year-old daughter is hyper aware of divorce these days. In recent months three couples she knows rather well have decided to part ways or are struggling to decide whether or not they should stay together.

The other night between books she asked,"Why don't Callie's mom and dad live together?" She noticed Callie's mom dropping her off at her dad's, our neighbor's, house earlier that day.

Oh boy ... Deep breath ...

"Some times ... even mommies and daddies who love each other ... can't live together. Some times if parents argue or fight too much, it's better if they live apart. It's better for the mommy and the daddy and it's better for the kids."

"Sort of like aunt Nelly and uncle Martin?"

"Yes."

"Sort of like aunt Rory and Zeb?"

"Yes, except they weren't married, but yes, they broke up." (My aunt - my daughter's great aunt - recently separated from her long-term, live-in boyfriend.)

"Oh." She lets that marinate for a while. "You and daddy argue."

Another deep breath.

"Yes. Most mommies and daddies do argue from time to time. That's normal. It's one way people can work through things that are bothering them. It doesn't mean that we don't love each other. It doesn't mean we are going to get divorce. You don't need to worry about mommy and daddy getting divorced. Okay?"

"Okay. I know." She snuggles in and grabs *Goodnight Moon* from the pile before she says, "Mommy?"

"Yes?"

"I'm going to miss Zeb."

"I know. Zeb was a good friend. We probably won't be able to see him much anymore, but he's still your friend."

I take the book from her.

"Mommy?" she's not quite done yet.

"Yes?"

"I am not going to miss uncle Martin."

I stifle a laugh. What I want to say is "Neither will I," but I resist, and instead I say, "I know you didn't know Martin very well."

That seemed to be the end of it, but it wasn't.

My husband and I were able to go out for a bite to eat two nights later. I was relaying this story to him and as I got into it, he beginning chuckling.

"What?"

"Nothing ... Keep going," he said.

So I finished the story, and he then revealed the source of his laughter. He said, "She nearly repeated most of what you use just said verbatim to Callie today when they were out swinging."

"What?"

"She told Callie, 'Your mom and dad don't live together because they might have been fighting too much. That doesn't mean they don't love each other. My mommy and daddy argue all the time, but they're


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Essays: Divorce

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Essays: Divorce

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