I have been an adult child of divorced parents for over two decades now, but recently my status as such was somehow turned into a pointed issue. I'm still not clear why, but the implication was that my status as the child of divorced parents was somehow profound. I am now an attorney practicing divorce law and my nemesis was none other than the opposing party who'd been informed of my status by his counsel. His counsel, somehow, neglected to add that he himself was, also and quite shockingly, the child of divorced parents. Perhaps that additional bit of information would have dissuaded the opposing party from creating a stir with my client over the fact that my parents are, perish the thought, divorced.

The silliness of this attitude and behavior is so obvious that one might ask: why even take note of it? Well, I wouldn't, except that the clear implication was that I could not perform my role as divorce counsel because my thoughts and emotions must be forever ruined for such purpose as a result of my parents' failed marriage. To the contrary, I would argue, I am better equipped for the job than those who have never been a party to such spoils. Still, this odd piece of priggish baloney did bother me, because on some level, I know that this thinking is "out there" among the general public, although not limited specifically to my ability to be a decent divorce attorney, but also a decent human being.

The conversation which led to the disclosure of my status to opposing counsel pertained to the therapy my client sought for the parties' children. The opposing party doesn't believe in therapy and, more importantly, isn't willing to pay for it. Opposing counsel, in zealous defense of his client's position, chose to attack mine. My response was to state that my parents were divorced and that I could have used some therapy during that time and with respect to that incidence, not to mention the vast quantity of professionals who would support the idea that children of parents going through divorce will likely not come away from that experience emotionally unscathed. This, of course and inevitably, led to the leakage of the attack of my client onto myself.

It's all one big happy dysfunctional family in this world today. We feel free to blame one another for a status inflicted upon us by others. It all reminds me of my favorite Simpsons episode, the one where the Simpsons attend family therapy and are put in electrified hats that are wired to buzzers in each other hands. The session rapidly degenerates into what I've come to term a "zotzfest". Perhaps we children of divorce will always and forever be a bit more sensitive than those more fortunate among us to the "zotzing" of and from those around us. Perhaps we will never feel, at any given moment, fully free from the stress that "zotzing" puts on one's system. Perhaps we will be more pre-occupied with the "zotzfests" all around us than it is healthy for us to be. This is what I feel to be true about being an adult child of divorced parents: it's like a train that keeps on rolling, never arriving at any town, and never fully winding down.

Learn more about this author, Jean Dorton.
Click here to send author comments or questions.

---

Add your voice

Know something about Being the adult child of divorced parents?
We want to hear your view. Write now!