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by Tracy Lewis

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Once we reach adulthood, we often forget what it was like to be a Teenager. In our past, there often linger - memories we don't wish to recall or bring forth in our adult years, so we conveniently forget many things. 'Teen-hood' is a troublesome time for everyone - we are all going to go through it, are stuck in it, or have travelled through it. We may remember certain bad or negative actions and attitudes that we may have 'acted-out' during our Teenage-hood - and impose those items negatively and unfairly onto our Teens. We might even remember keenly - our confused, desperate thinking or moods from our Teenaged years, however, neither forgetting what adolescence was like NOR transferring our memories - to impose them onto our perceptions of own Teenaged children or Society's Teens should be acceptable in this day and age.

Teens are often treated disrespectfully - as a type of VISIBLE MINORITY. It's not possible to discount the visible features of a Teen. They look like a Teenager and do not look like any other age group. Therefore, they are easily picked out of crowds in society - and they are easily stereotyped, discriminated against, and worst of all, they have no authority to stand up for themselves in a world run by adults. People who study people (sociologists, psychologists, psychiatrists, behavioralists, etc) have determined that technically, Teens are, in fact a VISIBLE MINORITY, just like certain racial groups, women, and women, etc.

Watch the body language of adults in metro areas when they encounter Teens on public transit systems, in shopping malls, in restaurants, at the grocery store, anywhere public sometime. It will be easy to view adults often displaying signs of disapproval - even disgust - at the mere presence of teens. Certain adults will - scowl, frown, even deliberately and markedly move away from Teens, as if the Teens were second-class citizens. This is upsetting, but happens quite universally - definitely with great frequency. Teens are our FUTURE! They are the ones next in line for adulthood, and society should show them the same treatment that it preaches about 'fairness,' 'acceptance,' 'love,' 'empathy,' 'trust,' and any of a number of beneficial qualities that adults constantly call for and try to teach their children.

It is true that some Teens have troublesome lives and may act-out in derogatory or harmful ways at times, however, most Teenagers are just as worried about, frightened by, and concerned for 'troublesome teens' as adults and society are. The few adolescent individuals who commit crime, act out, and display bad behaviors should be very carefully considered - then determined to be the exceptions to a rule that says: Most Teens are innocent, fun-loving, confused, hormone-struggling, intelligent, talented young individuals.

Somehow, in adulthood, we forget that we may have had dark moods, crying jags, communication difficulties, raging hormones, rebelliousness, giddiness, and other forms of 'teenaged-angst' while trying to both figure out and assert our changing place in the world. All of these variables and circumstances didn't prevent US from successfully reaching adulthood. If we have made our way through and have managed to have families, jobs, homes, friends, peers, mentors, loved ones, hobbies, cars, clothes, other material goods, and so many other things in life - then even our crazy hormones and any negatives of our past teenhood have NOT IMPACTED THE WORLD in a damaging, undermining way! Present Teens - even the 'troubled' ones, will not bring our universe to a standstill any more than we did!

We need to start REMEMBERING parts of our teen years so we can communicate with our children. We can't expect them to KNOW HOW to transition through some of the frightening and negative aspects of growing up without having parents or mentors who are trustworthy to speak with and be around.

Some tips for understanding Teens:

*If you're not a parent, you ARE part of society and your behaviors have the potential to affect others whether you intend to influence those around you or not. Even if you think you are exempt from the need to understand Teens, it surely won't hurt for you to try.

*REMEMBER your Teen years - pick the 'potential' you had out of those years, leaving behind the negatives you might still agonize over - and transfer the potential onto Teens you're around. They have the same potential that you had. They CAN turn out to be as or more successful as adults than you've become.

*Walk in a Teenager's shoes. Take their point of view more often. If you live with a Teen, make a 'contest of it,' inform your Teen that for a half-day or even just 1 hour, you're going to think, walk, talk, and act like a teen. You'll listen to your old 'Teen' music favorites, use your old 'Teen lingo,' and do one of your old Teen hobbies, if it's reasonably suitable to do so. If you cannnot figure out a 'Teen' hobby that is suitable, as your own Teen to help you come up with something.

*Walk in a Teenager's shoes. Take their point of view more often. If you don't normally live with Teens but do encounter them in society (on the bus, out shopping, out at restaurants - face it, adults, you're going to have to learn to deal with 'Teen Presence' - they're EVERYWHERE even if you don't have children of your own!) - then think like a teen, anyway. Imagine, even - that you might appear a bit intimidating to them. Figure out how you can look more friendly, relaxed around them - or, at least, if they really make you nervous, do a self-check to make sure that you aren't emitting 'imposing' body language to try to counteract discomfort you might feel around Teens. Often we aren't nearly as aware of our body language as we think we are. Sometimes, we're totally unaware of it.

*SMILE! Everyone - SMILE around Teens. If you can't do anything else, just smile and reserve any comments you might have about their dress, conversation, or looks. Try to behave as well around them as you would make yourself act around someone you admired or respected. Teens deserve respect, too. If you think this is all silly, just try to think of all the instances whereby we tell Teens to 'try doing something else,' 'act differently,' 'change their attitude.' YOU try it - change YOUR attitude, action, behavior - just for a little while. You can go back to being a grumpy old adult later on, anyway, if that's how you like it - just TRY SOMETHING ELSE! And SMILE a 'genuine' smile. Mean it!

*If you must correct a Teen - either their language or behavior is truly inappropriate, say, "Pardon Me," or "Excuse Me," just like you would with an adult who, perhaps, has unintentionally interrupted you or stepped in your path. Then politely state your concern and detail what you might need to see for a correction. Most Teens are people-pleasers and are, in fact, intimidated by Adults from time to time. Almost every Teen has, at one time or another, been verbally abused or treated badly by at least a half-dozen adults - sometimes even adults the Teen is familiar with. Certainly, a stranger can be intimidating to a Teen. If your behaviors telegraph the same respect with which you would use toward an adult stranger, you will likely gain the best response from a Teen - versus aggressive, disrespectful behavior, which might offend and cause a Teen to react defensively.

*Stop being SO SERIOUS! There is an entire life-time ahead of situtations, conversations, and circumstances that will DEMAND your serious attention, resolve, and concentration. Don't practice for that ALL THE TIME - especially if you are around Teens a lot. You won't forget how to be serious if you occassionally joke around with a Teenager! Even if you really won't be around Teens very often, it won't hurt to take a lighter view and approach to life once in a while.

In all of this, please realize that this message won't get through to some people. Some people will consistently misunderstand Teens and will never try to overcome this! Many people who survived their own Teen years will never want to remember or ever consider 'Teen-hood' again, whether concerning themselves or others. That leaves less of a general population as a base who will learn to understand their fellow-humans - those strange 13-19 year old humans who have wild-hair, want to put metal on or through their bodies, wear 'interesting' clothing, endure 'possession-like' mood swings, say "You're not the boss of me anymore", and any number of other factors that we, Adults, find disconcerting. We don't have to be so 'crippled' about how to deal with Teens anymore. They will let us know if, while we're attempting to bridge gaps, we screw up! Teens everywhere are just WAITING - with baited breath breath - for us to understand them. Or just MAKE THE ATTEMPT!

Learn more about this author, Tracy Lewis.

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