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by Eleanor O'Donnell

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When I recently had problems with my child picking at his dinner and repeatedly refusing to eat; I sought advice from a combination of health professionals, friends and internet research. The result was a few simple realisations that turned the situation around for us.

CHILDREN WILL EAT WHEN THEY'RE HUNGRY

It sounds obvious but it's easy to forget when you're worried. If a child isn't very hungry, perhaps because they've had too many snacks or ate a lot at their last meal, they won't eat their dinner no matter how you try to coax them to. Turning the issue into an argument will just lead to repeat refusals for the sake of provoking a reaction. If a child doesn't want to eat their dinner it's best to simply say "okay, I'll take it away if you're not hungry" and leave it at that.

As infuriating as it is to waste a meal you've spend twenty minutes preparing; you can't force a child to eat when they're not hungry. If the meal will keep, pop it in the fridge and serve it up at the next meal time to minimise waste. Children, particularly young ones, will purposely push a parent's buttons for the sake of getting a reaction where allowed to turn situations into arguments or games. Stay calm and don't let a drama turn into a crisis.

BE REALISTIC

A toddler or young child that is still drinking a large beaker of milk every morning and night will need far fewer calories from their food than a child that doesn't. Between the ages of 2 and 5 years old, a child only needs to consume between 1000 and 1600 calories a day on average. A child drinking 300mls of whole milk twice a day may therefore need as little as 600 calories from their meals. Children over five years of age need around 1800 calories a day but will still get some of their intake from milk and fruit juices.

If a child isn't a big eater then don't overwhelm them with portions larger than their tiny stomach can handle. Try to dish out portion sizes in relation to the size of a child's stomach; if your portion of dinner is about the size of your stomach then your child's needs to be scaled down accordingly. Thinking of portion sizes in this manner may lead you to realise that you've been giving your child slightly more than really they can eat.

DON'T INTIMIDATE OR DISTRACT YOUR CHILD

If you sit at the table watching a child like a hawk then naturally they're going to feel too uncomfortable to eat. Eating should be an enjoyable experience that the whole family partake in without extra attention being given to any one member of the family. As soon as a child is old enough to sit at a table and feed themselves, it's best to back off and let them get on with it.

It's important to be sensible about table manners too and maintain realistic expectations depending on a child's age. By all means politely ask your child to "eat nicely" and give them an idea of what eating nicely is by example; but don't snap at a child every time they lean on the table or play with their foo, it's not necessary and it'll create problems in the long run.

ACCEPT IT WHEN YOUR CHILD DOESN'T LIKE SOMETHING

I feel very strongly against force-feeding children due to my own childhood experiences. My Mother was so determined I would eat leaks on one occasion that she literally rammed them down my throat. When I vomited them back up, she rammed the vomit back down my throat in a fit of temper. I still feel too traumatised to eat quite a variety of foods thanks to this and other, similar experiences.

When it comes to introducing new foods to my a child, it can take up to 18 times for that new food to be accepted. The expectation therefore should be that a child only has to try something, and if they don't like it, they don't have to eat it. Thank your child for trying and tell them it's okay to leave it if they really don't like it then move swiftly on with the rest of the meal. If a child spits something back out, don't get mad at them; just ask them to please use a hanky or a tissue and be grateful they tried.

Eventually, children who aren't forced to eat foods they don't like will let their tastebuds lead them without fears or phobias holding them back.

LEAD BY EXAMPLE

It's important to set a good example even where it means making unwelcome changes to your own diet. Fruit has been the biggest change for me personally as I genuinely dislike the texture of most fruits. I can't expect my own child to make healthy snack choices if I'm not willing to do the same though. So having found a couple of varieties that I find tolerable, I sit and eat them in front of my son to give him the impression that it's normal to snack on fruit, not junk food. Similarly, I've made the effort to widen my previously restricted diet since I began to wean him and now find I'm able to enjoy a good variety of meals alongside him at the dinner table.

Most importantly, remember that a child is naturally programmed to eat and will have to do so of their own accord eventually, regardless of adult intervention. So long as no-one is providing a child with sugary alternatives between meals, they'll eventually realise they've got little choice but to eat what they're given or go hungry. If you fear you're at the stage whereby your child has developed an established eating disorder, it's important you seek professional medical advice.

Learn more about this author, Eleanor O'Donnell.

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