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by Sal Levy

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Josh Billings once said: "Reason often makes mistakes, but conscience never does".

How to deal with life problems? Maybe the answer lies in the line above.

Life problems may be of various kinds: lack of money, disease, a family loss, a lawsuit, unemployment, broken marriage, loneliness, depression, career problems, difficult children, and so on. Often, the keys to such problems seem to be out of your hands, but actually there is always something you can do about it. You must learn to live with and to restrain the bothering issue, in case you cannot simply get rid of it.

A life problem undoubtedly involves somebody or something hurting you (your enemy), but you may also find others willing to help (your friends). So, whatever your problem is, there are basically two things you always need to focus on: look for your friends and look out for your foes. Learn to recognize, avoid, appease or eliminate opponents, but also don't hesitate to ask for help from allies, both certain and potential ones. And remember that your best friend and your worst enemy can be... yourself!

The best way to deal with a problem is, obviously, by preventing it. Keep away from troubles. Try to set realistic goals, don't take chances, and don't annoy the others. Stay alert, observe, and learn to discriminate friends from enemies.

OK, this may look like a good policy, but it's not quite so. Such conflict-avoiding behavior may risk turning your personality into a dependent kind, losing your self-esteem, and betraying your ideals. Besides, this will not work for long. Dangers may still occur without warning, like "bolts from the blue" that you cannot predict or impede. (And, paradoxically, it is often yourself who actually triggered and attracted them upon you, by your overly submissive attitude!) Now, you can no longer run or hide; turning away again or pretending that nothing happened may even get you into bigger troubles.

Obviously, there are times when you have to actually deal with problems, really find a solution to work your way out, stand face to face and fight the enemy. Nevertheless, fighting means risks: the battle may be long and tough, and you may end up losing it. This could make things even worse than before; you may get badly wounded, imprisoned, or even killed in the combat; innocent people (friends) may also get involved and fall victims to it. Sometimes your losses are so massive that even "winning" becomes meaningless. (For example, the ancient king Pyrrhus, after losing many of his valuable men in an otherwise triumphant war against the Romans, allegedly said: "If we are victorious in one more battle with the Romans, we shall be utterly ruined!") So, what good is fighting, anyway? Avoiding unnecessary or dangerous confrontation, putting an end to it at the right time, or going all the way ahead these are all possible choices. The rightful decision depends on how you estimate the power balance between you and your opponent. You need to assess the forces of both sides, and not only consider physical weapons, but also resources, allies, knowledge, and motivation. When you feel that your enemy is too strong for you, then you must lay down your arms and discuss peace, trying to achieve the best possible terms. But if peace is unacceptable to either side, then you may be forced to capitulate at once, in order to avoid further losses.

Negotiation seems to be the best solution in any kind and in any moment of a confrontation. It involves making compromise and exchanges to reach agreement. Again, clear understanding of the targets and the weaponry of your opponent will make you a fine diplomat. You must attain the balance between your claims and your enemy's. Be ready to make and to consider propositions, to demand and to concede, to give and to take. A successful bargain can be satisfactory for both sides. However, no matter how good a negotiator you may be, talks may still fail. This happens when your enemy want nothing less but to destroy you or to attain your unconditional surrender. He may be after something you just cannot concede: your beliefs, your ideals, your most precious assets, or your life.

Life can be cruel, and tough moments may come when you find yourself desperately alone against big threats. For some reason, your family, your former protectors, your mates, and your fans have all like suddenly vanished. They may be too far away from you, busy with their own problems, incapable or unwilling to help, or even hostile. And only now you realize they had actually deserted you a long time ago. Furthermore, your poor health status or some insensitive authority may add to your difficulties. It looks like all problems have occurred at once, nothing works anymore, and everything you ever believed in is broken down to pieces. You feel betrayed, desperate and depressed. In fact, little troubles had been building up gradually, but you just didn't pay enough attention to them or didn't react properly, and fix them at the right time. You wonder where did you go wrong and you start blaming yourself for it all. But now it's too late; everything is falling apart. There is nothing to do, nowhere to go, no one and nothing to rely on.

You couldn't be more wrong! Things are quite the contrary! You do have yourself and your very best friend: your conscience. You are incredibly strong as long as your conscience is clear. You need to stop whining and blaming yourself. Get back on your feet and get moving. And then, all you have to do is follow your heart. Trust your own sense of right and wrong and just let it be your guide, obey it and don't argue with it. Whatever you do, never take any moral compromise. Make sure you never betray your conscience. And in return, your conscience will never betray you.

When in trouble, we should always remember the words of Sir John Lubbock: "If we are ever in doubt about what to do, it is a good rule to ask ourselves what we shall wish on the morrow that we had done."

Learn more about this author, Sal Levy.

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