I hear the anger in the boy's voice. It gets stronger, it seems, week by week. What could I tell this mom to help her child deal with anger? I hear the mistakes because I live in an apartment right upstairs.

Having raised two sons myself, I know a bit about this topic. It isn't just about anger. It's about feelings and dealing with uncomfortable ones so they don't overcome you to the point that you are miserable.

My childhood was wonderful. My parents did everything they could for me and I will always appreciate it. The problem came when we moved 600 miles while I was in 5th grade. I went from having plenty of friends in school and in my neighborhood to feeling very lonely and awkward. As sort of a teacher's pet, I missed my old teachers, too. Nothing felt right any longer. I could never talk with my parents about how I was doing though. A bit of moral support might have helped, or going over strategies to defuse awkward situations would have been welcome. My excellent grades started to suffer and I gradually fell into unhealthy behaviors as a teenager. A beautiful house and surroundings can only do so much.

With my two sons I have tried very hard to provide the things that would have helped me over the rough pre-teen years, moving to different schools, and peer pressure. The absolutes are:

1. Unconditional love. Even if your child did not hit that home run or win the race, you have to give encouragement by letting him/her know that you see they did their best. If you can, mention that, "I know how it felt when I didn't win the race. I felt ...." Your child might be surprised to hear that you were in their shoes and you grew up despite the trauma. This has to be provided consistently and without much fanfare. Just let them know that you love them no matter what.

2. Keep the communication flowing. Ask questions about the day at a friend's house or school or the movie. You need to stay detached though. Show your interest and keep on asking. If the child does not want to talk about something immediately, give them a couple of hours. They will probably open up to you when they're more relaxed.

3. Control your intense feelings and anger, too. If you need to learn some anger management techniques, please do! It will help you and it will help your family, maybe future generations, too. This brings us to that 'Golden Rule' - treat others as you would have them treat you. If you get angry or if you belittle

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