Alone...again. Deep, gut-wrenching spasms rip my insides until mere shreds remain...the pain is overwhelming. It intensifies until it hurts so much I can't stand straight. I double over and I am once again held tightly in its' grip until there are no more tears.

The night is so black...so dark and cold without another soul to touch...fragile, gossamer connections with other people are broken as the darkness rolls over me in waves....it closes over my head like a watery grave...the agony is so real I cry out...only absolute, murky silence answers my heart's cry...again. The daytime connections with other souls are just for show anyway ~ not real, not truth, just a facade...nobody wants to let me get close ~ they won't let me in...and so I am alone and lonely every day of my life. And the nights are the worst. In the daylight I can pretend... I focus on everything happening around me and forget about reality and pain for a while...but in the darkness it all comes to light and there IS no way to stop it.

Is this my life now? Have I chosen this path of empty days and nights? My life used to be filled with happiness and laughter, but the tender, all-encompassing love that used to fill my soul has slipped through my fingers ~ just when I thought I had a firm grasp on it. No, it has disappeared like rainwater into parched soil, leaving a residue of emptiness that darkens my soul unlike anything I have ever known.

Companionship? A mate to connect with and stave away the loneliness? Not for me, not anymore. Foolishly, I opened my heart ~ it is annihilated...the tenderness that used to be there was quickly overtaken. The cold darkness of my lonely life falls over me like a cloak once again, enveloping me not with warmth, but with stark cold....

I am face to face with my alone-ness....it is worse by far than I ever imagined. Being alone, really alone, is the ONLY thing that NEVER leaves me.....

Learn more about this author, Mystique Rose.
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