The truth is, you can lead your children to rehab, but you can't make them stop using drugs or alcohol. If there's a will to use drugs, there's also a way to find them. Any effort to help your kids stop using drugs (short of locking them up and throwing away the key) will probably not work until they decide for themselves they are ready to stop. That is not to say you shouldn't try; it just means you can't make them stop using if they don't want to. They have to make that decision.

Anyone who has successfully rehabilitated from a drug or alcohol addiction will tell you there must be an admission to a problem before any healing begins. This is where the problem lies. You can't make your child admit he is addicted; he has to admit to the problem on his own accord. Until he does, you are talking to a brick wall that isn't going to listen to you. You find that saving your own sanity requires shutting yourself off emotionally until your child realizes he needs help. Then it gets even worse when you realize that time may never come.

The alternative to shutting yourself off emotionally, is accepting them the way they are in spite of their addictions. This makes you an enabler to the problem. Sure, it says, "I love you no matter what," but it also says, "I love you so much that it's okay with me that you continue to abuse drugs and destroy your body." I had to decide which one was worse, and that is definitely the latter. It is hard to turn your back on your child, but that is the only chance you have of helping him realize for himself that he needs help. Until that time comes, there isn't anything else you can do, especially if your child is an adult. It doesn't mean you don't love them. It doesn't mean you don't care. It is only natural to never stop loving or caring about your children, but you have to draw the line on what you are willing to accept.

Two of my three boys have severe drug addictions. One of them is addicted to the illegal substance, Methamphetamine, and one of them is addicted to the most famous drug of all, alcohol. From a parent's standpoint, it literally causes you to imagine their up and coming funerals. I know that sounds horribly morbid, but I have mentally walked through funerals for both of them. I have done this because all of my efforts to save my boys have failed miserably. They are now ages 31 and 26, and the addiction madness has gone on for nearly a decade. You may ask how I can give up hope to save them. That's understandable because I have asked myself the same question so many times I lost count. The answer is closely related to the popular "stubborn horse" adage: You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink. This is sad, but true.

I watch all the shows about the dangers of addiction, and I read every article I can find on the subject. This is how I know I am doing the right thing. I pray every day that my boys will come to me, and tell me they are ready to stop using, and I pray even harder that they won't die before that day comes. Until then, I prepare myself for the inevitablethe early death of my children. No parent is supposed to outlive their children, but parents of addicts often do.

Learn more about this author, Patricia Coffman.
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