The bearded person whose face and growing belly are currently replacing the oil crisis, war and election on all the TV news and talk programs goes by the name of Thomas Beatie. Thomas claims to be a pregnant man, although the so-called male was born 34 years ago as a female named Tracy Lagondino. There are even photos around showing the teenage Tracy as a beauty queen.

Ten years ago, Tracy put aside her pageant swim suit and twirling batons, and after extensive clip'n'snip surgery and more hormones injected than Barry Bonds could ever imagine, Tracy became a man, sort of. Then, as Thomas Beatie, he put on men's clothing, grew some scattered facial hair and married Nancy.

Nancy, the ... uh ... wife, claims she's responsible for the Tracy/Thomas pregnancy. She says she and Thomas studied the subject thoroughly, got the necessary medical advice and hospital cooperation. Then, if you can imagine the scene, Nancy the wife says she implanted the tiny live male wigglies into hubby Tra... I mean Thomas ... with a simple kitchen gravy baster. She now says when the baby arrives, she will be the mother and Tra... I mean Thomas will be the father. I don't know about you, but I'm getting really confused. Yeah, I know the next question is, when they're in bed, who does what to whom? Just trying to come up with an answer to that gives me a headache.

As baby birth time nears, and by the photos of the big belly, it seems to be within just a matter of days, the couple has been all over the boob tube, including an entire hour on the holiest of holy TV popularity sites, Oprah Winfrey. Oprah seemed to buy the whole mishmash of a story. Well, gee, if Oprah says he's a man, you'd better believe that the surgically-enhanced former she is now a he. And with book and movie deals pending, can an Oprah Book of the Month and Disney dolls be far behind?

C'mon, Oprah and all the other wide-eyed TV patsies. Get real. If you're born a woman, you come with a set of ovaries and other baby-making equipment. Tracy/Thomas has admitted he/she deliberately kept the originals, because like any other red-blooded male, he/she wanted to bear a child someday. And the day will soon arrive. Not that I'm doubting Thomas, but no matter how many appendages you get the docs to sew on or clip off, and if the steroids get you to grow facial hair, that doesn't change any of the basic rules. After all, you may be able to fool Oprah, but you can't fool Mother Nature.

Here's a final question to add to the confusion: After the baby grows up and needs to buy a Father's Day gift, does he buy a necktie for the gravy baster?

Learn more about this author, Ted Sherman.
Click here to send author comments or questions.

---

Add your voice

Know something about Thomas Beatie: Oprah's amazing pregnant man?
We want to hear your view. Write now!