When I was a teenager I never felt that I fit in. I was always trying to impress someone. I was tall, not fat but defiantly not thin. I had blond curly, I should say mostly frizzy hair and until I was in seventh grade I wore glasses. I don't know if I tried to hard or what but I never felt like anyone noticed me.

I decided when I was in ninth grade going from Junior High to High School that I was going to change that. I tried out for the Pompom Team and made it, it was easy my mother had made me take ballet lessons since I was like 5 years old I think.

I thought that being a pompom girl would make me popular. Well it did but not the way I wanted to be. I remember one day I was sitting behind a guy on the bus that I had a crush on and I overheard him say to his friend, that I was cute but too chunky. Oh my god I was crushed.

I believe that was the straw that broke the camels back and I revolted against all that didn't accept me. And I began to experience the party scene. I began to drink and smoke and mix diet pills with drinking. I found that when I was drinking I just like all the other kids that were drinking and I finally fit in.

I went from a straight A 4.0 grade average in 10th grade to barely graduating in two years. By the time a did graduate with a C average (not even sure how I did that) I was a full blown alcoholic and drug addict.

The three years after I graduated from High School I experimented with marijuana, crank, cocaine, mushrooms, acid, a mixture of uppers and downers, I drank hard liquor straight from the bottle and lived in the streets more than anyone should have too. I supported my drug and alcohol addiction with selling drugs.

I overdosed on alcohol multiple times, overdosed on acid, and had a really bad trip. I really thought at the time I would never come back to reality and that trip lasted for more that 24 hours. I swore I would never do acid again but less than a week later hit it again just to prove that one bad trip doesn't ruin it. However after that bad trip every time I hit the acid it wasn't a good trip, I only proved that one bad trip should be your last.

If I could go back in time I would never have gotten into drugs and alcohol. I destroyed my future. I changed my destiny dramatically.

I am clean and sober today, married with two children. But the affects of drugs and alcohol on my body and mind are catching up to me. I am 42 years old today and have the back of an 80 year old. I have chronic back pain mostly from damaged disc. Now you might say drugs don't damage disc, but what you do when your on drugs can definitely play a huge part on how much damage can be done.

I have terrible nightmares that my teeth are all missing from all the crank and cocaine I snorted, I wake up crying realizing it was only a dream. The reality is my gums are shot and have receded so much that sometime my teeth feel loose, I am afraid they will fall out.

To top it all off since I blew off school and college to party I never really grasped a career and so now at 42 with a 6 year old and a 9 year old I am renting a 40 year old duplex, drive a 1982 Toyota or sometimes my husbands 1983 GMC and have no saving, no life insurance and wish to hell everyday I would of just said NO!

Learn more about this author, D Leopold.
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