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Have you seen this boy? His name is Ian. Where did you last see him? Was he OK? Most parents never have to utter these words. . .at least not over and over. These were the first words out of my mouth and that of my husbands, almost daily, for the last six years. Ian is now twenty. You do the math.
Over the last eight years, as a step-mother to my husbands three children from a previous marriage and as mother to our biological child, I have pretty much seen and heard it all. Let me take you back to a time 11 years ago when I met and fell in love with a man who was and is the kindest, most gentle soul you will ever meet.

Rich came equipped with a ready made family. Two daughters and a son that looked like their father but were definitely different, in temperament. He had been divorced for several years and although he did not have sole custody, he might as well have. His ex-wife(a tenured Prof at a NJ university in early childhood), saw nothing wrong with using child support money to spend the summers on Sabbatical in China, France, Italy, Spain and India, while failing to pay light bills, phone bills, and buy groceries. Most of the time, the children were not aware that she was gone, as she would not tell them she was leaving. Once, she even changed the locks to make sure they could not get into the house while she was gone.
I digress. Our oldest, Danielle, was just graduating high school at that time. She has now completed her Masters in Psychology. Ariel who had just finished middle school is now the recipient of a prestigious scholarship for women and continues her studies while working full time. And then there's Ian. He was the baby.
Small in stature, Ian would never be a large man, his father was 5'10 and his mother was barely 5 feet, but he was muscular, wiry and I just adored him and his sisters. Rich would bring them out to see me on the weekends at the beach where I lived. Those weekends were spent with Ian sitting on my lap watching cartoons, swimming in the ocean while bbqing on the beach, picnicking at the shore and strolling (and skateboarding for him) down the empty streets in South Hampton. . .after the crowds were gone. We took them everywhere. Cruises, trips to the Dominican Republic, had parties for special occasions (I did not know till Ian was 13, that he had never had a birthday party!)and made sure that we always knew who and where they were if they were not with us.
Years later, I would cry myself

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