The "C" word. How loathsome it is. How much control, control, control.

One fact is beyond debate. If you suppress something, it will eventually emerge somewhere else, perhaps in a form more dangerous than the original. It is therefore of paramount importance that adult authority is not used to merely suppress disruptive or rebellious behavior in adolescence. Children at this time, however much their behavior might be problematic for the "grown ups" still need oodles and oodles of understanding and unconditional acceptance, which is not the same as condoning unacceptable behavior. We also need to have some humility here and recognize that maybe we need to be disrupted and challenged before we listen and that perhaps, just perhaps, our young people have something to say to us, even if it is only, by way of negative attention seeking, "I am not happy".

I am not sure control is what teenagers need. After all they have been controlled since day one.
" Did I choose to be born on this day? No. You wanted to fit it in around your work schedule so elected for a Ceasarian" "Do I want to eat this processed baby food? No,I am quite happy with stewed apple and would actually still like a little breast comfort even though I am a year old."
"Am I ready to be separated from you and go to play school so that you can return to work?"

By the time they reach adolescence, our children have been controlled up to the max in so many ways it is no wonder that there is an explosion! Angry and now with physical strength and a new voice they begin to erupt and all we can do is talk about how to control this volcanic and increasingly dangerous energy.
As the adults in the scenario we have to act like vulcanologists. We have choices.
First we can attempt to control and apply an authoritarian plug of punishment in an attempt to stop such an eruption. This is referred to as a clampdown. Second choice is evacuation, which is an option many parents today, having been systematically dis empowered by the education system for the past two decades, seem to go for. Though understandable, it does not help the youngsters who are probably as overwhelmed by this energy as we are.
Third is channeling, which is a way of directing and diverting this energy in a harmless and
even [with care and imagination] useful and creative way.

It is in this area our Western culture seems to fall way short of the mark. Where are our rituals and social procedures which challenge our young people

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