Although I may not be a father, I spent the past 16 years filling that exact role. To my son, I was both mom and dad...the shoulder to cry on and the one to make him strong. To all of those in my position, you understand the strengths required. It's not something that we can show any sign of weakness during...we must be the sympathetic ear as well as the firm hand. Through the years, any woman filling this role has the bleeding fear that she will be doing something wrong...something that only a man can accomplish. To those women, hold your head high and know the strength you possess from deep within. When you think the worst has become reality...look beyond that. What you see may prove that you've been doing the right thing all along. This is something you'll never know until the dream has diverged into a nightmare. A nightmare that only you have the power to control.

This nightmare for me is only the beginning...the fear of my son losing his future, his freedoms, his chance at a normal life. But, the life he has chosen proves to me that he is turning into a man. A man who chooses to do the right thing...to be there. My strongest fear has turned this situation into a slight moment of pride.

On my way to work a few months ago, my phone rang. On the other end was my son and his girlfriend...I knew right away. My gut instinct told me what was coming next - and I was right. I honestly don't remember hearing the words come from their mouths...I just felt them. It was the dreaded phone call that I never expected! No emotion could be heard...after all, I didn't know which emotion to let show. A lot of me was disappointed, some of me was numb, and my entire mind was in complete shock. I knew that I had to be cautious on what came out of my mouth. Not only to save my own sanity, but to make sure that I didn't alienate my son. It took a lot for him to make that phone call...it showed me something. What it showed me was his maturity, his emotional need to confide in me...and mostly, it revealed his fear.

The next few nights we stayed up all hours of the night talking. He did most of the talking...as well as most of the crying. I just sat there and listened - absorbing every word that came from his mouth...and absorbing much of what he couldn't say. He then asked me why I didn't react - why I didn't at least yell or something. I'm sure he already knew that answer. He just needed to hear it in my own words...and here they are...

"Why would I yell? What would

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