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by Jane Alois

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Where do we learn ethics? Is it at school? When we are playing sports? Watching television?

Who teaches ethics? Day Care providers? The government? Our peers?

The answer, of course, is all of these. Learning what is right and wrong, good and bad, moral obligation, duty, and values are absorbed from the people who surround us as we grow and mature.

The big question is, whom do you want teaching your child ethics? Do you want your child to have the same ethics as you have? If you do, then you are the one who must teach your child ethics. You do this by example. Do you want to teach your child to be responsible? Do not call in sick at work because you just do not feel like going. Do you want to teach your child that people are more important than things? Instead of buying a new set of golf clubs when you golf only twice a year, invite grandma and grandpa out for dinner and a movie, and then take your spouse to the Cape for a romantic weekend. Do you want your child to speak respectfully to others? Be careful of how YOU speak to others. If you are constantly swearing at family members and saying how you would like to kill your boss, even though you may not really mean it, what are you teaching your child? Do you want your child to play by the rules and respect authority? If you do not back up the school faculty when your child misbehaves in school or does not complete assignments, what are you teaching your child?

Perhaps this teaching of ethics looks a little daunting. Where can you go for help? Ah, yes, school! But wait, don't the teachers have enough to do teaching your child to read, write effectively, learn good math skills, history, science, a foreign language, art, physical education, health, and music. There just are not enough hours in the school day for a class in ethics as well. Maybe watching television would work. Just put your child in front of soap operas for an hour or two a day and see what that produces. Talk about dysfunctional! It is unfortunate that much of what we hear on radio, read in the newspapers, and see on television is the sensationalism of the not so desirable aspects of human behavior. It is very difficult to point to any public figure and say, "There is a person to emulate!"

So ask yourself a question. Where are right and wrong taught? Where is moral obligation preached? There was a clue in that last question. Did you catch it? Yes! Church, Temple, Synagogue, Mosque, House of Worship. That place forgotten by so much of our population today. Church, Synagogue, Temple, Mosque, House of Worship. A place where ethics are taught every week. That is not to say a place of worship has all of the answers. Certainly, through the ages, a lot of bad things have happened in the name of religion, from the Christian Crusades, to the Spanish Inquisition, to the so called Fundamentalist Muslims, and a lot in between. However, the basic teachings of all of the world religions, unless perverted, are love, honesty, morality, duty, values, in short, ethics.
What will this unique service of helping to teach your child ethics cost you? Monetarily, with the exception of a few religions which ask for a certain percentage of your income, usually what ever you feel you can afford to pledge. What is really interesting is that you get a bonus for your money. Not only is your child taught about ethics; but if you attend services, too, you may get support for your beliefs as well. Sometimes honesty is difficult when you see others benefit from their dishonesty. It is nice to get that little extra nudge not to join the "all". Helps you to keep feeling good about yourself.

There are more bonuses to come, too. There is the social aspect. Meeting people outside of work, especially if you do not live where you grew up, can be difficult. What a perfect place to meet people with similar values. In this world where everything is rushing by so fast, when you sometimes feel like there is no time to even think, imagine an hour where you may quietly meditate. You may listen to uplifting music. You may hear words of wisdom from some of the greatest books ever written. Then there is the support you get when things are not going well in your life. Your spouse is ill. Grandma died. You lost your job. Now there are people to listen, hold your hand, bring you a casserole, and maybe even help find you a job. Your daughter just got accepted to Harvard on a full scholarship? Wow, way to go! That's wonderful! You must be so proud! Isn't it nice to have someone with whom to celebrate the good things in life?

Did you ever wish you could do something for the less fortunate? Do you want your children to learn to share, to give of themselves? Not just give money, something more personal. Many congregations are involved in "hands on" charity work. You could take meals to the elderly one Saturday evening a month, or help settle a homeless family into a temporary shelter, or take part in any one of the many other services offered by religious organizations. Imagine, you could be the instrument to change someone else's life for the better, and all because you wanted some help teaching your child ethics.

You say, "I do not want my child to grow up in the church I attended as a child. I cannot accept what they believe." Guess what? There are other religions and faith based groups. Even an atheist or agnostic can find a place where they are welcome. Maybe you would make a good Sik, or would feel most comfortable in the Bahai Faith. Unitarian Universalists are accepting of many beliefs. Perhaps Judaism, Islam, or a neo-pagen faith would fit you best. Baptist, Congregational, Methodist, Episcopal, Lutheran, Roman Catholic, Presbyterian, all Christian, all different, some with variations within one denomination. There is even a site on the Internet where you can answer 20 faith-based questions and get a list of faiths closest to your beliefs. This is probably not the definitive answer, but it would give you a place to start. The Internet is loaded with information on world religions. Not all of the information is accurate, but you can get a sense of what each faith has to offer. Check out your public library, too. In addition to on-line information, they have many good print resources that you can take home and peruse at your leisure. Even after you find a faith that fits, it may take a few tries to find a congregation that fits. Different congregations of the same faith may present very different atmospheres.
Methodist, Mormon, or Muslim, if it makes you and your children better people, more humane, more honest, more ethical, isn't it worth an hour a week? If you can take a break from the hustle of today's living and spend an hour a week as a family, doing something more uplifting than watching television or trooping off to yet another soccer game, shouldn't you at least look into the possibility? If you want your children to grow into moral, ethical beings, shouldn't you give them a chance to learn it from someone other than the latest pop musician? You, your child, and your whole family could benefit.

Learn more about this author, Jane Alois.

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