Ok, you got it, that first deer of the season, way before anyone else did. Of course you ran the 250 yards to the deer because the shot wasn't the cleanest shot you ever took, but it went down. Now you are standing over what looks like a collie with it's tongue hanging out, you are shaking uncontrollably, and you realize you now have to do something you haven't HAD to do in years..Field Dress the Deer!

Step one would be to quit shouting that you got it, because the other hunters are starting to get annoyed and several have even shouted back that they are going to shoot you if you don't shut up. For some reason the idea that they are still hunting for their deer hasn't sunk in yet, so calm down, take a few breaths and see if you can focus on anything yet. The lack of oxygen hasn't been overcome yet from the run at breakneck speed you took to get to your deer. Inhale, exhale, inhale, and exhale.

Step two begins when you realize that you don't have your knife with you. You see, in running from your deer stand to the deer you left your pack and your lunch at your stand. Time to go get it before you can begin. Good thing you ran downhill to get here or you might not have made it. Oh, and in a few minutes you will probably realize that 250 yards uphill is a long, long way to go to get a freaking knife.

Step three, you retrieved the knife, now walk back that 250 yards to get to the deer. On your way back notice all those little spots before your eyes. They are from not being able to breathe properly due to you being so out of shape.

Step four, arrive at the deer and decide what to do next. You know that you have to gut the deer but you also remember your Dad telling you that you have to have the deer on an incline so you can actually drain the deer's blood. Shudder, you never did well with blood anyways. Now that you have realized that your deer died on the only flat piece of land in a 60-mile area, you will need to drag the deer 40 yards to an area with an incline. At this point you are still optimistic, you haven't shot a deer in so long and let's face it, it is deer meat after all.

Step five is once the deer is on an incline. You see, now is when you wish you hadn't pissed off all the other hunters, because you can't remember exactly where to start the incision. You vaguely remember what you have to do, but when you were young your Dad usually had the deer gutted by now so it wasn't important to pay attention. With your breath held

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