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Growing up, I never had the slightest inkling to what went into making a marriage actually work. My parents divorced when I was barely a teen, and back then I had a basic idea of what did not work. (That being, sleeping around on your spouse.) Still, I often wonder what circumstances in my life would have had to be different for me to have had a proper understanding of the complicated mechanics of marriage. What would have had to happen to give me a clue to what the hell this woman, who agreed to spend the rest of her life with me, would require of me as a man and husband. Sadly, I failed at much of it early on. Whether it was due to ignorance or selfishness or any other of the multitude of reasons, it does not really matter. With my ninth anniversary looming on the horizon, I still endeavor to make my marriage work, learning valuable lessons I did not pick up as a young adult along the way.

I notice many articles concerning this subject are written by women, which is totally cool. I can appreciate that a woman will go to great lengths to get their point across to their significant others. Sometimes, though, it's hard for us to see things the way females do. With this article I will endeavor to convey what I believe are some (in no way all) of the key characteristics of a working marriage. Perhaps coming from another male, some woefully unprepared married or soon-to-be married men will take heed more readily.

Let me say first that marriage is probably the hardest job that any one person could do, and that's assuming that you find the right person. I would even venture to say it is harder than parenting because in many cases, raising a child comes naturally, while healthy marriage practices are a trial-and-error type of thing. Realistically, men and women are very, very different creatures. Even if our goals are the same, we fulfill those goals using vastly different methods. Yet simply accepting and understanding that basic fact is a step in the right direction. Know this, all you misdirected, married males: you did not marry this woman to understand why she does what she does (which you rarely will), or because she really knows how to cook that tuna casserole you wolf down at parties, or even because she makes your toes curl in a way that makes the universe seem so much more clearer. You married her because despite not understanding her reasoning, her habits or her motivations, you love her and what she is about nonetheless,

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