ESSENCE OF FRIENDSHIP

Friends drift in and out of life like the tides ebb and flow,leaving shells upon the beach and taking them back out to sea. Some friendships last a lifetime- Others for just a little while. All are valuable and teach us life-lessons.

To have friends of course we have to BE a friend, to be open to letting people into our lives and hearts. It involves risk and the ability to trust, the ability to believe in human beings. Making a new friend is easy compared to maintaining friendships through the ups and downs we experience in life.

The point is, NO ONE is perfect. We all have our shortcomings, our weaknesses,our own opinions. ACCEPTANCE is an important factor in friendship. There will always be something we don't like about a person. The question is- can we accept that as part of their uniqueness as a human being? The high road is to focus on the positive aspects and compensate for the shortcomings. For example, a friend is always late. You can put yourself through agony waiting around for them, get angry, argue thereby destroying the relationship- or you can compensate. Tell them to come earlier, knowing they'll be late. Tell them you're leaving at a certain time without them if they are not there and STICK to it. If they're late -leave; either they'll start being on time or miss out. Now the ball is in their court and you free yourself of bad feelings. If they have bad feelings that's their problem to deal with- not yours.

DIALOG is essential in making and keeping friends- NOT what I refer to as "talk-talk." Anyone can spout out words. A true dialog is a heart-to-heart give and take of ideas, opinions, dreams. We must be willing to share a part of ourselves and LISTEN to the other person. Listening is an art in itself. If we are really listening, we're not thinking of what we're going to say next or formulating opinions on what our friend is saying. Even if we disagree, we can try to find a common ground of understanding why they think a certain way, acknowledge the validity of what they've said, then honestly voice our own opinions without judgment. It's surprising how much we can learn from people who's opinions totally differ from our own. We have to be open enough to listen sincerely and evaluate unemotionally.

RESPECT is a prerequisite in friendship, respecting others differences, their privacy. Everyone has something respect-worthy about them. It's like mining for gold- we know it's there. Sometimes we have to dig for it. The reward is well worth it. It's all cause and effect, giving respect will bring respect back to us, creating a solid foundation for friendship.

Learn more about this author, Kathleen Delicato.
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