Would you like to know the surefire ways to raise a brat? I can give you step-by-step details, and methods to reinforce bad behavior. I can even tell you how to make sure that brat continues bratty behavior.

As soon as your brat can crawl, let him do as he pleases. Remember, it begins in the formative years. Let your brat pull on the tablecloths, pull on your clothes, and pull on your hair. These are the easy years, believe me.

As soon as your brat, can walk, let him, literally, walk all over you. Let him walk on the kitchen table. Let him walk on the dining room table. Let him walk on your back, even if you are not expecting it. After all, walking is good for a toddler, correct?

As soon as your brat can talk, let him say whatever he pleases. Make sure you curse and yell and scream rather often. Remember, children mimmick your behavior. As soon as your brat starts to scream and shout, and curse and yell, make sure you repeat everything he yells so he keeps doing it.

While you are at it, make sure you talk about other people. This is sure to get someone's attention at one point or another.

As soon as your brat is old enough to go shopping with you, by all means, take him every chance you get. Take him to WalMart at least every other day, and buy him whatever he screams for. Remember, if you don't buy him what he wants, he will scream bloody murder. He will embarass you to shreads. He will wake the dead, and resurrect Jesus once again.

And remember that he will almost always want more than one toy. Please, Mommy, please, in that horrible shrieking tone you anticipate every shopping trip. If that cart is not full of toys for the brat, you will pay dearly. You may as well ante up the bucks, because, really, you pay either way.

And let's talk about eating. Yes, your brat will certainly rule the roost when it comes to mealtime. Don't give junior a healthy, well-balanced meal. Let him have fruit slices candy and Oreo cookies in the A.M. like my brat had this morning. At least it has "fruit" in its name. And is it so bad to give bratty boy Oreo cookies? At least he drank a glass of milk with them.

Don't stop there. Let him have his cake and eat it too. For breakfast, lunch, or just for a mid-morning snack. Don't monitor his caloric intake, because that would make you a good parent. And good parents don't have bratty kids, correct?

Let bratty boy jump on the pull-out couch/bed. Yes, remember that couch you paid $2500 for? Solid maple, handmade in Maine? Make sure he jumps extra hard right in the center of the bed after you pull it out. This way, any out-of-town guests will sleep in the crater that was once a very soft, comfortable guest bed. It makes for good breakfast conversation when you ask, "did you have a good night's sleep"?

And here is the best way to make certain you raise a brat: Say "yes" to everything your brat asks for. Say "yes" when he tells you he wants a pet elephant. Say "yes" when he wants to give your younger brat a lesson in potty training. Say "yes" when he wants a pack of gum...not a piece of gum, a whole pack of gum. Say "yes" when he wants to wash the dishes for you. This way, he will end up washing the entire kitchen floor, too. Say "yes" when he asks if he can start to watch a new movie at 10:45 at night. This way, your brat will just get brattier (if that is even a word, at least it is in our home)!

Do you understand the basic guidelines for raising a brat? I have supplied you with the most utilized techniques for doing so. If you have any further questions, please feel free to
e-mail me. It is 11:26 at night, and we are still watching Bob the Builder's White Christmas!

Learn more about this author, Lynn Von Hassel.
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